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First Date Ideas To Make Sure You Have A Good Time

first date ideas

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First Date Ideas To Make Sure You Have A Good Time

First date ideas to make sure your first date is fun and leads to a second date

First dates need not be nerve-racking ordeals, honest.

You’re going on a first date with someone – a known someone or a blind date.  It does make a difference so I will cover both.  First of all, if I said “Don’t be nervous” or “Be yourself” would it help?  It never does, so let’s look at some suggestions which might help quell your nervousness and assist in deciding which of your many selfs to put forth.

It is often not so easy to define what is an actual “date” rather than a casual get-together that’s a continuation of an established social acquaintance.  If it is obvious, an invitation to a dance for instance, or just different in the location to which you have been invited, we will call it a first date.  As such, my advice to cut down on nervous expectations is to continue the friendly relationship you have already established. Just because you are dressing differently or getting together outside your usual place of contact it need not change how you are with one another. You are already acquaintances or friends and this date is simply a fun opportunity to get to know one another under new circumstances.

If this is a date with someone you have just met, any nervousness is understandable. You know enough to identify that there is some possibility of a relationship here, an initial attraction perhaps.  Try to tell yourself that this is anticipation, expectancy, rather than “nerves” if you feel jittery.  And, speaking of expectations, keep them minimal. This is not a lifelong commitment. You have agreed to an exploratory get-together to assess if there is anything more here.  Exercise your social skills.  Ask questions and learn about the other person.

If this is a blind date, someone you haven’t met before, the date might be somewhat different.  You might have “met” online or someone you know has suggested that you two might hit it off. You have emailed or texted, even spoken on the phone, but as much as it’s possible to believe you know one another you don’t.

A date is usually about an initial exploration of possibilities: could this person and I eventually make a romantic couple?  All the senses as well as a mental decision must go into such a decision. This goes beyond an all-important first impression of looks. Does this person “smell” right, both actually and metaphorically? Do I like the sound of her/his voice?  Do I enjoy his or her  touch, even the most casual of handshakes or pat on the arm, or do I instinctively pull away? The person must appeal to our head (does s/he fit the list I have made?), our heart (do we like him/her or at least not dislike her/him on first meeting?), and our groin (is there a physical attraction?)  None of these things can be assessed without a face to face meeting.

So a blind date is a look-over, a sniff over, an initial survey of possibilities. Don’t dismiss this person on first sight if s/he doesn’t look right. Use all your senses.  If you are absolutelyconvinced within the first few seconds that nothing is going to happen here use this occasion to sharpen your conversational skills.  Social skills of being able to carry on a conversation, being polite and withholding judgement are important and a blind date offers this.  If you have prepared well by mutually knowing that this will be a brief meeting – coffee date rather than a whole evening or afternoon – you won’t feel a need to be rude or be “stuck”.  Any civilized person needs to be able to have a pleasant conversation for a half hour, thank the person for their time, tell them how pleasant it was to meet him or her and make a graceful exit.  If the other person puts you on the spot by suggesting another date smile and say something like “I have enjoyed meeting you but I don’t see any possibilities here.  I hope you find what you’re looking for”.

If you see first dates not as a try-out or audition for a part in someone else’s “play” but rather as you being in the role of the director of this production, you can feel more in charge and enjoy the process.  So do enjoy yourself…and enjoy the other person as well.

[Isadora Alman]

Isadora Alman, M.F.T., is a California licensed marriage and relationship therapist, a Board-certified sexologist, author and lecturer. Her syndicated sex and relationship column “Ask Isadora” ran in alternative weekly papers worldwide for 25+ years. Web surfers can find her columns on her online free interactive Sexuality Forum www.askisadora.com (link is external).

She is the author of two collections of Q & A’s from columns: Let’s Talk Sex and Ask Isadora, as well as Sex Information, May I Help You?, a peek behind the scenes of a sex help phone line which still flourishes in San Francisco today. Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex is a collection of helpful hints and titillating tidbits culled from column readers and Forum web site users. Her novel Bluebirds of Impossible Paradises: A Sexual Odyssey of the 70’s is out in paperback on Amazon.com. She has also contributed chapters to several books including Herotica (Down There Press), Dick For A Day (Villard NY), The Moment Of Truth (Seal Press) and Single Woman Of A Certain Age (Inner Ocean Publishing, Inc.) Isadora has been a talk show host and frequent TV and radio talk show guest, and a lecturer and workshop leader on a variety of communications topics. She conducts her private psychotherapy practice in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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