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How To Heal A Broken Heart

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Betrayal

How To Heal A Broken Heart

Did you know that a broken heart hurts as much as a coffee burn? Learn to embrace and release this pain rather than getting stuck in suffering.

 “Science has finally confirmed what anyone who’s ever been in love already knows: A broken heart really does hurt.”http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.a broken heart.same.to.brain/index.html

“In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you’re burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.

In other words, the brain doesn’t appear to firmly distinguish between physical pain and intense emotional pain. Heartache and painful breakups are “more than just metaphors,” says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor.”

A broken heart might even hurt more than being burned by coffee. While no one wants to be physically burned, most people are far more focused on having control over not experiencing the pain of a broken heart than the pain of a coffee burn.

The interesting thing to me is that most people have no problem treating themselves with kindness and caring if they are physically hurt, but they have a hard time bringing that same level of compassion to themselves if they are emotionally hurt. Yet a broken heart needs even more gentleness and tenderness toward yourself than a physical burn.

What Do You Do When Your Heart is Broken?

Most people have learned many addictive ways of avoiding feeling the pain of their broken heart. As Alexander, a client of mine, told me in a phone session, “I hadn’t smoked for years, but I’ve been smoking since my wife left me for another man six years ago. I can’t seem to stop.”

Alexander will not be able to stop smoking until he is willing to feel the burning pain of his broken heart, with deep kindness and compassion toward himself. And smoking is not the only addiction Alexander turns to. Alexander is constantly judging himself for the choices he made during his marriage. As bad as his guilt and shame feel, he prefers these feelings to feeling the loneliness, a broken heart, and helplessness over his wife that lie under his smoking and self-judgments.

When you feel lonely and heartbroken, do you:

  • Overeat, eat junk, smoke, drink too much, or take drugs?
  • Go on spending sprees?
  • Guilt and shame yourself with self-judgments?
  • Get angry and blame others, persisting in seeing yourself as a victim?
  • Space out in front of the TV?
  • Turn to Internet sex and pornography?
  • Get overly busy with work and other activities?
  • Turn to process addictions such as gambling or video games?

While Alexander’s addictions work for the moment, to pacify his pain, what they really do is prolong his suffering, which is why he started to work with me. Alexander had never learned how to embrace his a broken heart, with the caring and kindness he needs, to allow the feelings to move through him.

Because Alexander had avoided opening to and fully digesting his painful feelings, they were stuck in the muscles of his body, causing his back to go into spasms, which was causing a pinched nerve.

The truth is that painful feelings – even a broken heart – move through our bodies and are released far more quickly when we embrace them, than when we avoid them with our various addictions. In order for our feelings to flow through us, rather than get stuck in our muscles, causing further pain, they need to be attended to with compassion for ourselves – which means we need to embrace them with gentleness, tenderness, caring, kindness, and understanding. This is what allows our feelings to be fully felt, digested and released.

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

 

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING

Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.

Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world — mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.

Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships.

In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

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