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Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Spotting The Signs

narcissistic personality disorder

Personality disorders

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Spotting The Signs

A know-it all who doesn’t know what he’s talking about is a jerk;whereas a know-it-all who does know what he is talking about is merely an a**hole”– Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior (Perigee Books)

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, narcissism is in the fear — and loathing — of the offended.

Here are a Baker’s Dozen** of ways in which people with narcissistic personality disorder  offend:

1. They interrupt you in the middle of what you’re saying and expect you to listen to them.

2. They take offense when you interrupt them.

3. They interrupt you in the middle of when you’re thinking about something without asking if it is a good time to talk and expect you to immediately stop whatever you’re thinking about and give them your undivided attention.

4. They expect you to change whatever you’re thinking, doing and feeling to what they  believe you should be thinking, doing and feeling…and for you to do it with a smile and gratitude.

5. They scowl and act hostile, when you accidentally bump into them.

6. If they’re walking along the side of a road or on a path and you approach them, they make you walk around them.

7. They are easier to upset than they are to please.

8. They rarely say, “I’m sorry” and if they do, they do so insincerely or begrudgingly.

9. They rarely say, “Thank you” because they feel so entitled.

10. They rarely congratulate you because they are unable to root for anyone else.

11. When they demand something you’re afraid to say: “No.”

12. When they complain about something you are afraid to tell them to “Just deal with it” because you’re afraid they’ll go ballistic or become coldly sullen and shut down.

13. You’re chuckling and agreeing with most of this list, but would be scared stiff to show it to them (a.k.a. you walk on eggshells around them most of the time).

If you live with or work for someone with narcissistic personality disorder, take care of yourself and if you can, get away from them, because they almost never change. If you can’t or are not ready to cut your losses and must deal with them, check out”Jiu-Jitsu for the High Maintenance Crowd.”

If you are someone with narcissistic personality disorder and have read this far, there is hope for you.

Check out the Neurotic Narcissist Continuum (where are you?)

* adapted from: “Chapter 11: Steer Clear of Toxic People,” in “Just Listen” Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone(AMACOM, (c) 2009)

** in the comments section, please add your own additions to how narcissists offend and do much worse to others

Authors’ Books and Kindle – Click for Amazon Reviews

Mark Goulston, M.D. is a business advisor, consultant, speaker, trainer and coach trained as a clinical psychiatrist who honed his skills as an FBI/police hostage negotiation trainer who increases people’s ability to get through to anyone.

He is Co- Founder of Heartfelt Leadership whose Mission is: Daring to Care and Go Positive Now and is the Resident Big Brother at Business Women Rising and serves on the Board of Advisers of American Women Veterans and Dr. Oz’ foundation, Health Corps.

He is the author of international best selling book, “Just Listen” Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone (AMACOM, $24.95) which has reached #1 at amazon kindle in six business categories, #1 in China and Germany , #1 in audible audiobooks and has been translated into fourteen languages. Dr. Goulston and his book was also a PBS special entitled “Just Listen with Dr. Mark Goulston.” His next book, REAL INFLUENCE: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In, co-authored with Dr. John Ullment will be the lead book for the American Management Association in January, 2013 and will focus on influencing people in a post-selling world.

Dr. Goulston’s development of those skills started with his education: a B.A. from UC Berkeley, an M.D. from Boston University, post graduate residency in psychiatry at UCLA. He went on to be a professor at UCLA’s internationally renowned Neuropsychiatric Institute for more than twenty years, become a Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and was named one of America’s Top Psychiatrists for 2004-2005 and again in 2009 and 2011 by Washington, D.C. based Consumers’ Research Council of America.

A partial list of companies, organizations and universities he has trained, spoken to, provided executive coaching to or consulted with include: GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Xerox, Deutsche Bank, Hyatt, Accenture, Astra Zenica, British Airways, Sodexo, ESPN, Kodak, Federal Express, YPO, YPOWPO India, Association for Corporate Growth, FBI, Los Angeles District Attorney, White & Case, Seyfarth Shaw, UCLA Anderson School of Management, USC, Pepperdine University.

He is or has been a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors and the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches and is the best selling author of four prior books including the international best seller, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior (Perigee, $13.95) Get Out of Your Own Way at Work…and Help Others Do the Same (Perigee, $14.95), is a contributor to Harvard Business, blogs for the Huffington Post, Business Insider writes the Tribune media syndicated column, Solve Anything with Dr. Mark, column on leadership for FAST COMPANY, Directors Monthly. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, Today.

Dr. Goulston lives in Los Angeles with his wife and three children.

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