Connect with us

How Do I Date

Her Inner Child Hates It When She Appeases Her Husband

inner child

Anxiety

Her Inner Child Hates It When She Appeases Her Husband

How a demanding husband can make your inner child miserable!

Peggy had been married to James for 14 years when she first consulted with me for help with her relationship and her anxiety.

“I can’t stand being in this marriage anymore. We have two wonderful children and I don’t want to break up this family, but I’m miserable and anxious much of the time. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells and I can’t be myself.”

“What are you afraid would happen if you are yourself?” I asked.

“I know it sounds crazy because a part of me wants out of this marriage, but I’m afraid that James would leave and I would be alone the rest of my life. I think that if I take care of myself and do what makes me happy, instead of taking care of his feelings and needs, he will leave. I’m afraid to find out that he really doesn’t love me – that the only reason he is with me is because of how I take care of him. If I stopped letting him dump his anxiety onto me and I stopped having sex when I don’t feel turned on to him, he will leave. He gets furious at me when I say no to sex. I’m afraid to find out that he really doesn’t care about my happiness at all – that he just wants me to take care of him.”

“Peggy, it sounds like you are telling yourself two things that are making you feel miserable and anxious. One is that if you don’t take responsibility for James’ feelings, he will leave you, and the other is that you will not be okay if he leaves you.

“Your misery and anxiety are your inner guidance system, letting you know that what you are telling yourself is not helpful to you. It is not in alignment with your highest good, and, quite possibly, it is not even true. So let’s start with your belief that you will not be okay of James leaves. Are you sure this is true?”

“Actually, I know it isn’t true. I love being alone, and financially there is enough money that I would be okay. And I know that James loves our children and would never abandon them.”

“So if you tell yourself that you will be fine if James leaves, then how do you feel?”

“That feels good! I know that is the truth!”

“Okay, then if that is the truth, what do you have to lose by being yourself?”

“I’m cared to death to find out that James doesn’t really love me. I guess it’s not about being alone after all, but about not being loved.”

“Peggy, please go inside and ask your Inner Child if she feels loved by you when you give yourself up to please James and you do not let her be herself.”

“No, she doesn’t feel loved at all! She hates it when I don’t take care of her and take care of him instead.”

“So, do you think it is possible that even if you found out that James doesn’t love you, that loving yourself would make things okay for you?”

“Yes!”

Peggy started to practice Inner Bonding and learned to take care of herself around James.  She stopped being available for him dump his anxiety onto her and made love only when she felt like it. She received a lot of support from the Inner Bonding membership community, which helped her stay strong in her self-care.

At first James was angry, but when he discovered that his anger didn’t get him anywhere, he became interested in learning Inner Bonding and started to take better care of himself. Instead of discovering that she had to give herself up to be loved by James, Peggy discovered that loving herself worked wonders in their marriage!

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

 

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING

Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.

Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world — mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.

Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships.

In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Anxiety

Best Dating Sites

Categories

Must Reads

To Top