She Is Really Suffering Because of  His Infidelity

Hi Doctor, I am only 21 and my boyfriend cheated on me while I was overseas – we have been together for over 3 years. He told me the truth shortly after I arrived home and I have been trying to forgive him, but I simply can’t. The damage is too real, the hurt it too real and I realise that being so young I don’t have to commit to this relationship.

I feel like my mental health is really suffering because I feel so angered and hurt. I can’t move on and I don’t think I can ever forgive what has happened. Deep down I know that I deserve better and we shouldn’t be together.

I want to end the relationship but the truth is I am scared and I have a fear of the unknown, we have done so much growing together. I would greatly appreciate some advice and direction on how to deal with this situation. Many thanks.

Kate

 

Infidelity is always difficult to accept. However, infidelity means different things in different situations. I think when a couple is far apart, infidelity on one occasion may not suggest an inclination to repeat the offense. When someone who would not otherwise be likely to be caught confesses, it is still less likely to be repeated.

Presumably, your boyfriend feels sorry. Most married men and women usually find it possible to forgive a partner having an affair if it has occurred only once and with someone who was not important. The offenses that almost always break up a relationship occur when a partner or a spouse sleeps with someone else repeatedly, particularly if it is the same person.

At your age, relationships tend not to last anyway. (speaking statistically.) So it takes less to break them up. Someone married many years hesitates for many reasons to walk away from an unfaithful spouse.

Why don’t you wait a while before making up your mind what to do.

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Fred Neuman, M.D. is the Director of the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center. After serving as Associate Director for 21 years, Dr. Neuman assumed the directorship in 1994. Educated at Princeton University and the NYU College of Medicine, Dr. Neuman specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders. He is the author of the following books: Caring: Home Treatment for the Emotionally Disturbed, Fighting Fear: An Eight Week Guide to Treating Your Own Phobias, Worried Sick?: The Exaggerated Fear of Physical Illness, and Worried Sick? The Workbook. Dr. Neuman is also the author of numerous magazine and newspaper articles on the efficacy of Cognitive/Behavioral Therapy for the treatment of anxiety disorders. Dr. Neuman is a member of the American Psychiatric Society, The American Association for the Advancement of Science and the New York Academy of Science. Dr. Neuman is also the author of the following novels: "The Seclusion Room," Viking Press. "Maneuvers" Dial Press "Come One, Come All," "The Wicked Son," "Detroit Tom and His Gang" "Superpowers." All these books are available from Amazon.

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