Connect with us

How Do I Date

Do YOU Know Why People Fall In love?

fall in love

Dating

Do YOU Know Why People Fall In love?

You cannot just decide to fall in love

[tweetthis]”A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”. – Mignon McLaughlin [/tweetthis]

Whereas I do believe that all behavior is a choice, some emotions–like love–are not. We may fall in love, like it or not, for some of the dumbest reasons, but love, as the poets say, can be blind.

Scientists believe love is a DNA thing, where body chemistries connect through pheromones and such. A doctor once told me that love is all biochemistry, and we have no choice in it. Sometimes the pull is so strong, we stay in relationships that are unhealthy, and even though we know it, we can’t seem to make ourselves leave.

This is why we may choose to stick it out with a partner who is not all that nice to us. He or she could lie, cheat, or steal from us, and somehow or another, we will once again open our hearts, perhaps only to get hurt again. It seems like we are living that old saying, “The devil you know is better than the one you don’t.” We may feel that we haven’t got a choice, but we always do.

There are times when you can’t really trust your emotions. Reality has to take its rightful place when you are considering whether to continue a potentially abusive relationship. You should think twice, recall your past with this person, and get some counselling if you think that any part of your relationship is unhealthy.

Love can direct us to make decisions that we know are not right. At certain stages in our lives, if our parents or friends tell us that he or she isn’t the right person for us, we simply ignore the unwanted advice and let romantic love take over. Not an uncommon or horrible decision, but when the relationship sours and you hear the voices of all the naysayers in your head, it’s hard to avoid beating yourself up.

As adults, we need to give ourselves the chance to get to really know a person before making a commitment. Once we have made that commitment, we need to honour it, but if the relationship becomes a portal for negative outbursts, addiction, or abuse, it’s time to re-evaluate and consider getting help or moving on.

And yes, many times, things can be fixed or at least improved upon. Your partner may be venting some old inner pain or may be feeling the pressure of life to the extent where he or she inappropriately takes it out on you. Once past hurts are brought up and dealt with, many couples can rediscover their love and once again move forward.

I believe in love, but I also know that life can sometimes get in the way and we don’t always make the right choices. If this has happened to you, please don’t let it go unchecked. Look deeply into yourself, your relationship, and your loved one’s eyes and truly see where the two of you are as a couple.

Together you can make choices that will make both of your lives better.

[Barton Goldsmith]

Honored by several professional associations, Dr. Barton Goldsmith is a multi-award winning psychotherapist, a syndicated columnist and radio host, as well as a recognized keynote speaker. He has appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, Fox & Friends, CBS News, NBC News, Beauty and The Geek, The Ricki Lake Show and The Mancow Muller Show.

Dr. Goldsmith was named by Cosmopolitan Magazine and in the book The Complete Marriage Counselor (Adams, 2010) as one of America’s top therapists. He was also one of 12 authors who inspired, was sited and quoted in bestselling author Alisa Bowman’s new book Project: Happily Ever After, in addition his own books; Emotional Fitness for Couples – 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship which was published by New Harbinger on Valentine’s Day 2006, and the sequel, Emotional Fitness for Intimacy – Sweeten and Deepen Your Love in Just 10 Minutes a Day released by New Harbinger in April ’09. Dr. Goldsmith also published Emotional Fitness at Work – 6 Strategic Steps to Success Using the Power of Emotion, the third in the Emotional Fitness book series, that was released in September ’09 by Career Press, who also published 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence – Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too in May of 2010. The Happy Couple, another New Harbinger publication was released on December 1st, 2013. His latest book, 100 Ways to Overcome Shyness will be released by Career Press in the summer of 2015.

Since 2002, his weekly column, Emotional Fitness, which is syndicated by Tribune News Service, and has been featured in over 400 publications including The Chicago Sun-Times, The Washington Post, The San Francisco Chronicle, and Time Magazine, giving him a substantial readership. “Dr. G” also hosted a weekly radio show on NPR affiliate KCLU, with nearly 90,000 listeners from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara. He has been interviewed on numerous TV/Radio shows and for many publications; his expert advice is regularly featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine and he is also the top blogger for Psychology Today, his Emotional Fitness blog has had over 8 Million views. Dr. Barton also served as the national spokesperson for the Mars Candy My M&M’s Treasured Moments Challenge, and is currently the national spokesperson for the SunTender Pre-Marital Mentoring Program.

He received recognition from the City of Los Angeles for his work with survivors of the 1994 earthquake. Emotional Fitness was the winner of the Clark Vincent Award for Writing from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, Dr. G received the Peter Markin Merit Award from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists for his humanitarian efforts. He has also been named as the recipient of the Joseph A. Giannantoino II Award in recognition of his contributions as an Outstanding Educator in the field of Addiction Medicine, given by The California Association of Alcoholism and Drug Counselors, who also inducted him into The CAADAC Hall of Fame on October 1, 2011. Dr. Goldsmith was a National Merit Scholar and a Professor of Psychology at Ryokan College, Los Angeles.

Dr. Goldsmith connects with audiences worldwide with his energetic, uplifting and fun communication style. Not a button-down shrink, “Dr. G” has a unique ability to inspire and entertain which leaves his readers, viewers and listeners always wanting more. “Dr. G” began working in the field of psychology when his career in professional basketball was cut short because he only grew to five foot six inches tall.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Dating

Best Dating Sites

Categories

Must Reads

To Top