More in Our Experts' Q & A
Best Dating Sites
How Do I Date Again After a Long Term Relationship
By Anthony BerconiJan 21, 2016
So I recently met someone while on vacation the story begins like this I saw this woman from across the bar and I immediately knew we were from the same city, I went over and asked her if she was from said city and she said yes. We were hitting it off very well in even having the same birthday and the same mundane interests. For the next three days we spent every minute together prompting her sister to say I’ve never seen her this happy. We are both in our 30 ‘ and professional, Leading me to believe that this was more than a vacation fling. However as soon as she arrived home I only heard from her to say she wants nothing to do w me. My question is not so much as to how I make it work but more importantly as to why she would do that and what changed-Signed by:confused
I’m so sorry to hear about what happened.
You know, I have often noticed that people who jump in too hard and fast often are fighting against their own fear of attachment. There’s a defense mechanism called The Reaction Formation, in which a person will do the exact opposite as a way of defending against his/her deepest urge. So, for example, the person who comes on hot and heavy, may be defending against the terror of getting close. Then, that same person will run for the hills, just and fast and without warning.
Since she liked you, this is the only plausible explanation that I can find.
I’m so sorry.
Next time around, be wary of someone who comes on too strong, too fast. Like fine wine, let your relationship develop with time.
Known to millions as “Dr. Love” through her website AskDrLove.com, Dr. Turndorf founded the web’s first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure.
Dr. Turndorf’s multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, “Ask Dr. Love,” can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled “We Can Work it Out,” is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years.
Dr. Turndorf’s methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage, Discovery.com, MSNBC.com. She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire.
Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw.
Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies.
As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased.
To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased.
For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page: http://askdrlove.com/page/love-never-dies-how-reconnect-and-make-peace-deceased.