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How to Conquer Your Fear of Rejection

fear of rejection

Fear of Rejection

How to Conquer Your Fear of Rejection

I suspect that fear of rejection is largely the fear of being forced to rethink our strategies.

Here are three ways to overcome that fear of rejection:

1. Consolation of thoroughness: Remember that rejection doesn’t necessarily mean your strategy is off. People reject things for all sorts of reasons that may have nothing to do with your strategy. Be thorough in developing your strategy and if it doesn’t fly with others it’s fine.

2. Doubt tolerance: Your strategies aren’t only in your head, you’ve sunk all sorts of effort into them. Changing strategies therefore entails all sorts of dreaded transactional costs. It’s not like flipping a switch; it’s like steering a whole armada of effort off course. Still, you neither want to over-react or under-react to news of failure, best done through the power of neutral thinking. Ignore past investment which is gone regardless of whether you change strategy or stick with it. Pay attention to the transactional costs of changing and long-term pay off. Practice breathing through your doubt about whether to change strategy, and practice trans-motivating on a dime if the payoff is better by means of a different strategy.

3. Progress agnosticism: Some of your most encouraging days will turn out to have been setbacks. Some of your most discouraging days will turn out to have been great leaps forward. Don’t assume your gut knows what will prove to be good or bad news. Your gut’s preoccupied with today.

[tweetthis]“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.” ― Oprah Winfrey[/tweetthis]

[Jeremy Sherman]

Vital stats: Berkeley, 57, partnered, three children (M34, M28, F24), married once for 17 years. Educationally: Ph.D. in evolutionary theory, masters in public policy Vocationally: MBA professor of strategic foresight, business consultant and communications trainer, academic researcher. Historically: I've taught over 250k college-student/hours in psychology, sociology, rhetoric, philosophy, advertising, economics, history, English, cultural studies, marketing and strategy. I founded a non-profit environmental lobbying organization in DC, worked as a business consultant and public affairs director for large companies, ran a foundation, designed and implemented water projects in Guatemala. For seven years I lived on the world's largest hippie commune, and was an elected elder there at 24. Authority: None. I never refer to myself as an expert in anything, but rather a specialist in those questions that interest me (see below). I write with no authority. I read lots but cite rarely in my articles which should be read as opinion pieces, not declaration of scientifically proven fact. I will not pull rank on readers: My ideas are only worth considering only if they're based on good reasoning. I change my ideas over time. Caveat emptor. They say "don't believe everything you think. I'll go one further: I don't believe everything I write, in that for every argument I make, I aim to be able to express convincingly the counterargument. I try to live by the F. Scott Fitzgerald quote: "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." Self-expressively: I've written over 600 articles for Psychology Today, coined over 400 psychology neologisms. I write songs and limericks. I play bass and sing in jazz, Latin, funk, and Nigerian groups three nights a week. Intellectually, yet intimately, my middle-age spread spans several life-sized questions. * Most cosmically, how did mattering emerge from matter?, life from non-life? mind from chemistry? economics from physics? information from energy, questions I address as a member of a 16 year research project with UC Berkeley scientist Terrence Deacon. * More practically, though not unrelated, how do and how should we shop among interpretations, deciding what's significant and how to respond to what life deals us? * Also practically and related, what is a butthead other than someone we butt heads with? since in a free society we should define morals negatively--not what you should, but what you shouldn't do. We say "don't be a butthead," but define buttheads subjectively as people we butt heads with. I seek a more objective distinction between what's morally in and out of bounds. * How do and should we balance the ambigamist's tensions and what is the underlying structure of such tensions? For this I use the Serenity Prayer as a template, and think about levels of analysis (going meta). I've written five books, only one published but the rest out soon one way or another. Negotiate with yourself and win: Doubt management for people who can hear themselves think. Purpose: A natural history Doubt: A user's guide; a natural history Mind readers dictionary: Terms for reading between the lines with greater comprehension. Executive UFO: A field guide to unidentified flying objectives in the workplace.

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