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He Needs To Stop Pursuing This Abusive Unrequited Love

unrequited love

Abuse

He Needs To Stop Pursuing This Abusive Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is destroying his life

Hello!

i’m sorry i can’t speak english well but i will try to explain my pain.( Note here: Dr. Turndorf has edited the following letter where needed so that the question is clear to her readers.)

i met my girl two years ago in the time we’ve known each other she had  a broken heart and i’m the one who helped her to survive. If she needed anyone I was there for her during this time. After she got passed her bad time i think that she liked me and i started to love her but i waited the right time to tell her. but the man who left her called her and asked her to back again and she accepted and i decided not to tell her about my feelings after a few months he left her again and she became single we started to be close again but i was afraid because i felt that she doesn’t love me. then she started seeing another guy and she loved him and after having sex with him he left her after a few days and she became single again  my love for her is growing every day and now i feel that i love her so much i can’t see another girl i think about her every day every min every sec and i cry every day cuz she hurts me every day by words by any thing since i know her i give her so much gifts without any reasons and she never gives me any gift even on my birthday i give her any money she wants and help her to do any thing to buy any thing she needs i do every thing from my heart she said that she likes me and i believe her but the problem is that i love her and she doesn’t love me and sometimes i need to call her but she refused to answer and some times she said to me i don’t want to talk with u now and sure i miss her and she doesn’t

i can’t live with out her, i need her, i don’t have friends , she is everything for me my love and my friend

she doesn’t like to talk with me as in the past and my heart is bleeding

i’m crying as I write this message

may be she knows that i love her but if she cared she would give me chance to tell her but she doesn’t care she doesn’t love me

and some times when i try to call her and she refused to answer me she warn me if i didn’t stop she will refuse to let me see her again

im feeling hurt when i remember that she has sex with them ( ex boys friends ) all the time i’m with her

i can’t forget her and i can’t live with out her , i love her so so so so so much

i need help because all my life is damaged i don’t want to do any thing i can’t enjoy any day she isn’t in it

–Heart Bleeding

Signed by:
Heart Bleeding
Answer:

I’m heartbroken to read your letter about your unrequited love. Utterly heartbroken.

You have made it quite clear that this girl does not return your love and so this is clearly a case of unrequited love. Even though you haven’t actually told her that you love her, your actions speak loudly. She would have to blind not to see that you love her.

What upsets me most is that she accepts your money, your gifts, your time, and your emotional support. She is very careless with your feelings to the point that she misuses you.  Never mind that she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t even behave like a good friend. She takes birthday gifts from you, but doesn’t think to give you a gift for your birthday. She even threatens to dump you if you don’t back off.

The reason she isn’t interested in you is because you treat her well. She is clearly too emotionally disturbed to be with a man who loves her properly. This girl is only interested in men who dump on her.

Have you noticed that you both have the identical problem? You both fall in love with people who mistreat you. You both aren’t interested in people who can love you well.

I’m sure if you neglected her and treated her badly, she’d be madly in love with you, too. But you would be playing a game; you wouldn’t be coming from your true self.

At the very least, you need to begin respecting yourself, not as a game but simply because you deserve better treatment. You will only be treated as well as you treat yourself. Here’s a rule of thumb. You aren’t supposed to keep giving to someone who doesn’t reciprocate.

If you continue to reward someone who neglects and mistreats you, you are telling that person, “Keep mistreating me, I’ll still be nice to you.” This sets you up for more abuse and it makes the other person lose respect for you.

I want you to start backing off, stop being so available and giving. In doing so, she will probably find you more appealing. But don’t be fooled. She will not be able to give you all that you desire and deserve because her own wounds are forcing her to chase after men who don’t love her. Her problem is the same as yours.

What is your problem? You are chasing a rainbow, trying to get blood from a stone.  The reason for this is early trauma: you are repeating the emotional neglect/abandonment you suffered growing up.

As painful as it is, you need to grieve and let go of this woman. Each time she rejects you, you are literally re-injuring yourself, driving the wounds of your childhood deeper into your soul.

I want you to begin therapy right away.  I also want you to find a community of friends. Join groups and clubs. Even if you don’t feel like it; do it. You need to be surrounded by warm and loving people like yourself, people who will help you to heal, not relive, the terrible wound you suffered as a child.

You wouldn’t allow a child of yours to be treated the way this woman treats you. Be a good father to yourself and protect yourself from further harm!

Author’s Books

Known to millions as “Dr. Love” through her website AskDrLove.com, Dr. Turndorf founded the web’s first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure.

Dr. Turndorf’s multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, “Ask Dr. Love,” can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled “We Can Work it Out,” is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years.

Dr. Turndorf’s methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage, Discovery.com, MSNBC.com. She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire.

Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw.

Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies.

As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased.

To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased.

For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page: http://askdrlove.com/page/love-never-dies-how-reconnect-and-make-peace-deceased.

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