Learn to recognize the three unspoken commitment stages
Before a man chooses whether or not to commit to you, you’ll need to move through a couple of key stages with him. Do you know what they are? Here, Christian Carter fills you in so you know what to expect…and tells you how to make the most of each stage so he’ll want to keep moving the relationship forward.
It’s natural for you to want to know that things are progressing in a relationship, but talking about it before a man is ready can often prevent the closeness you want. He’ll feel pressured, and you’ll miss out on the amazing feeling that comes from a man naturally wanting to secure things with you. Even though you may want a man to “just know” early on that you’re the only one for him, things usually don’t work this way with most men. Instead, a man will normally go through certain stages first before he decides you’re “it.” Here’s what they are, and how to handle them so he’s comfortable to move forward:
Stage #1: Courtship
In the early stages of dating, you take on one of two roles: the Convincer or the Resistor. It’s important for you to be the Resistor and not the Convincer. That’s because the Convincer is the one who makes sure you spend time together and who pursues the Resistor. If you are the one doing the convincing, you do not create the space to see if HE will step forward and pursue YOU.
You want to use this time to see if he’ll move things forward in a way that makes you comfortable. Your “resistance” will also inspire him to want to pursue you, rather than resist progress in your relationship. So take your foot off the accelerator and let a man initiate his interactions with you. Only then will you progress to…
Stage #2: The Uncommitted Relationship
This is that “in-between” stage. It’s where you’ll be more curious about where things are going and wondering what his actions mean. The important thing to keep in mind during this stage is that it’s normal – yes, a man will spend time with you before fully committing. If you’re both enjoying your time together, he treats you well, and you’re feeling good about the relationship in general, resist the urge to think too far ahead.
The trick in this stage is to take the pressure off the future and enjoy getting to know him, while also being clear that you are evaluating your future together: “I’m happy with you and I want to keep dating, but the future’s important to me, too. So let’s see how we feel about things over the next few weeks or months (set a time here you feel comfortable with), and we’ll decide if there’s something more serious that we both want.”
When you say this to a guy, there’s an unconscious button that’s pushed in his mind that tells him that you are a respectable and desirable woman who has the ability and the strength to pick and choose what happens in your life, and he better rise to the occasion.
Stage #3: The Committed Relationship
Now that you’ve spent the time to get to know a man and allowed him to move the relationship forward in a way he feels comfortable, he is able to make the choice to commit to you. By focusing on having fun and getting to know him during the first two stages, you’ve taken the pressure off of him, and he can naturally relax into the relationship. He sees you as a woman who doesn’t simply have an agenda to be in a committed relationship, but rather as a woman who genuinely wants to be in a relationship with him.
He sees that you have made a choice to be with him, so he can choose to be with you, too.