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Are You Being Misunderstood And Can’t Think Why?

being misunderstood

Communication

Are You Being Misunderstood And Can’t Think Why?

Many people feel they are being misunderstood.

Of course, it’s possible you like being misunderstood. For example, being a jokester can hide your underlying sadness, which, at least for now, you’d like to keep private.

If you would like to be better understood, sometimes the solution is as simple as to explain yourself. For example, someone who talks fast and interrupts and thus is perceived as impatient might say, “I know I talk fast and interrupt but I really have a lot of patience so take your time. I almost never lose my patience.”

But often, the right approach to avoiding being misunderstood depends on the specifics:

You often seem angry. You’d like to be gentle but can’t make yourself. Might any of the following help:

  • Thinking of the other person as less capable than you and thus deserves your sympathy and patience, not your anger?
  • Recognizing that your anger at them is really anger at yourself?
  • Recognizing you’re paying too big a price for your anger?
  •  Developing perspective: How important is it really?

You’re hyperactive but would love to be peaceful. Might any of the following help?

  • Doing work that doesn’t stress your out?
  • Putting yourself in calm environments: with calm people, in a quiet room, or even just facing your desk to a wall?
  • Putting yourself in environments in which your hyperactivity causes fewer problems, for example, in solo work?

You appear confident but are quite insecure. Might any of these help?

  • Be aware that your mask of bravura makes people expect more of you. If you choose to be more modest in appearance and interaction style, you’ll feel less pressure and be more likely to develop relationships with the countless others who also feel insecure.
  • If the bases of your insecurity are ameliorable, are you doing enough to try to improve? For example, if it’s your appearance, is it time for new clothes, hairstyle, or makeup? If you’re shy about public speaking, should you join Toastmasters?
  • If the bases for your insecurity are tough to improve, for example, intelligence, should you move to a job in which your level of intelligence is sufficient?

The “nice” person who is malevolent. Most people who are malevolent don’t want to change. Do you? If you might, ask yourself, “Why do you like seeing people unhappy or even making them so?” Usually it stems from your disliking your life. Can you think of any way to improve your life so you’d take pleasure in making people feel good?


Marty Nemko’s bio is in WIkipedia.

[Marty Nemko]

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Named the San Francisco Bay Area's "Best Career Coach," Marty Nemko has been career and personal coach to 4,500 clients and enjoys a 96% client-satisfaction rate. The author of seven books (250,000 copies sold) including How to Do Life: What They Didn’t Teach You in School plus over 2,000(!) published articles, including on Time.com where he also writes, Marty Nemko is in his 26th year as host of Work with Marty Nemko on KALW-FM (NPR-San Francisco.) He was the one man in a one-man PBS-TV Pledge Drive Special. Marty Nemko holds a Ph.D. in educational psychology from the University of California, Berkeley and subsequently taught there. He is married to Barbara Nemko, the Napa County Superintendent of Schools. They have one daughter and one doggie: Einstein, whose name is false advertising: He's dumb as dirt but sweet as they come. The archive of Marty Nemko's writings and radio show plus an active blog and Twitter stream are at www.martynemko.com.

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