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Free Relationship Quizzes To Evaluate Relationships

relationship quizzes

Healthy relationships

Free Relationship Quizzes To Evaluate Relationships

Which relationship quizzes to try, which to avoid.

Today’s Wall Street Journal Personal Journal section leads with an article by Elizabeth Bernstein posing the question “How Happy Is Your Marriage?”  That question troubles me.  There is something right about it.  Happiness does generally indicate that your life is going well.  At the same time, by rating “the marriage,” you can end up feeling stuck, resentful, and hopeless about learning  how to stop arguing or avoiding each other.

In other words, the risk from the way the question was framed—how happy is your marriage? – is that the answer to the question will be “not very happy at all,” and then, what then?

If the quiz tells you there’s lots of problems in your marriage, and lots that your spouse does that you don’t like, hopefully you’ll be motivated to seek professional help.  The danger is that instead of seeking help you will just feel trapped, become at risk for making the relationship even worse with criticizing and complaining, or give up altogether on the partnership.

A potentially more helpful question might be How Good Are You as a Partner or Spouse?  That question would give you data about factors that you can control.  If you are not as good as you might be at the role of partner/spouse, then you can decide to learn the requisite skills, just as if you were hired for a job and were not yet succeeding, you hopefully would find a place to learn the additional skills you need for job success.

Phrasing the question as how good you are as a partner or spouse has an additional benefit.  It would be less likely to inadvertently set you up to try to change your partner, a doomed strategy which would probably make your relationship even less happy. Your job is to focus on what youcan do better, not to fix your partner.

Having raised this concern, however, I do agree with the core premise of Bernstein’s Wall Street Journal article.  Her point is that relationship quizzes can be helpful.  A rating scale that helps you to identify strengths and weaknesses, skills and skill deficits, areas of positive functioning and areas for improvement could give you a big advantage toward the goal of making  your relationship or marriage all the happier.

But beware.  Not all relationship quizzes are created equal.  Most pop quizzes in magazines or on the internet have zero scientific backup.  Some seemed designed to send business to divorce lawyers.  Others are bridges to nowhere.  Still others foster blame-my-partner perspectives.

On the cheerier side, a well-informed quiz truly can help you to see more clearly how you are doing in your role as a long-term partner.

In addition, the feedback you receive after you have taken the quiz hopefully will specify actions you could take that would raise even higher the level both of your performance as a partner and thereby how happy you feel in your marriage.

Below is a review of a variety of free internet relationship quizzes. 

All of these quizzes are applicable to either long-term partners or married couples. There’s no need to be scared off by the word “marriage” if you have not yet sealed the deal.

Good:    1. Grade Your Marriage

A 15-item set of factors that you rate on a scale of 1 – 10.  This quiz is formatted nicely and the content is excellent.  As the introduction says, “… this isn’t a test, but rather a map for you to use for further discussion.”  Bravo to the US Conference of Catholic Bishops for this quiz, and for the website it’s on that also includes many excellent resources.  My only concern with the site is that although it gives a lovely explanation of why learning conflict resolution skills is important, it doesn’t teach them or refer readers to a site that does.

Good:    2. PowerOfTwoMarriage: A Quiz on Your Marriage Skills

Scroll way down to the bottom of this home-page for a free quiz evaluating your readiness for relationship success in five areas of essential skills.  This quiz quickly identifies where your relationship skills are fine, where some polishing up would help, and how to get the skills you need. (Disclosure: This quiz is based on my marriage skills book The Power of Two; the online program was developed by three of my adult children and their friend).

Good:    3. Wall Street Journal Rate Your Marriage

This test has you rate your marriage with 40 questions. It’s nicely constructed and should give you helpful data.

Avoid:    4. Four Seasons of Marriage 

This quiz clarifies the extent to which your marriage is ideal or less than ideal.  On the other hand, it has you rate essentially how much you like your partner.  There’s not much you can do about that if you are already married.  And if you are not married, this quiz could lead you to decide that the relationship’s problems are because your partner just is not a good person or a good match for you even if in fact you both have been contributing to the difficulties and you both have potential to learn how to be better partners.

Avoid:   5. Healthy Marriage and Relationship Quiz at SurrenderedWife.com

This quiz gets the strongest thumbs down from me.  It purports to ask “How good are you at having an intimate relationship?”  The first six questions are okay in that regard; the remaining 14 however mostly all focus on dimensions that you don’t like about your spouse.  Bad.

OK         6.  Dr. Phil’s Marriage Inventory Quiz

This quiz focuses on what you may have disagreements about rather than on how you generally interact.  While it does convey that controlling and abusive behaviors invite divorce, and also that ignoring “your spouse’s intimacy and sexual needs” can lead to trouble, overall it’s superficial and unlikely to lead you toward productive growth pathways.

OK         7. Ladies Home Journal Quiz Is Your Marriage in Trouble?

This quiz is short and written with peppy verve.  The ten questions that each offer three options get scored as you go.  At the end out pops a relatively lengthy “assessment” of what you may need to be paying attention to in the relationship.  The final assessments can be rather long-winded but could give you some food for thought.

OK         8.  How Strong Is Your Relationship? Quiz

This quiz does what it claims to do.  It gives you relatively good feedback with regard to how strong your relationship seems to be.  While the quiz does not give you very good clarity about the specific skills that would make your relationship better, the quiz takes only about 5 minutes to complete and probably is useful if the question it asks, how strong is your relationship, is what you want to know.

Good     9.  How Does Your Marriage Rate?

Though this test is a quickee it has surprisingly good questions and offers quite helpful feedback from your score.

In sum, kudos to Elizabeth Bernstein for her article on How Happy Is Your Marriage, encouraging folks to give themselves a free relationship check-up.  At the same time, becoming aware of how various quizzes are likely to impact you will hopefully make your experience less likely to do harm and more likely to be helpful.

Click here for a free Power of Two relationship test.

Click the Power of Two logo to learn the skills for a strong, emotionally healthy and loving marriage.

Author’s Books

Susan Heitler, Ph.D., is a Denver clinical psychologist who specializes in treatment of anxiety, depression, anger, narcissism, parenting challenges, and marital difficulties.
An author of multiple books, articles, audio cd’s and videos, Dr. Heitler is best known in the therapy community for having brought understandings of conflict resolution from the legal and business mediation world to the professional literature on psychotherapy.
David Decides About Thumbsucking, Dr. Heitler’s first book, has been recommended for over twenty years by children’s dentists to help young children end detrimental sucking habits.
From Conflict to Resolution, an innovative conflict-resolution theory of psychopathology and treatment, has strongly influenced the work of many therapists.
The Power of Two and The Power of Two Workbook, and also Dr. Heitler’s  website for couples called PowerOfTwoMarriage.com, teach the skills for marriage success.
In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Heitler coaches boards of directors in skills for collaboarative decision-making and, in the world of professional sports, Dr. Heitler serves as mental coach for a men’s doubles tennis team.

Education
Dr. Heitler graduated from Harvard  University in 1967, and earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from NYU in 1975.

Awards and Accomplishments
The editors of the master therapist video series Assessment and Treatment of Psychological Disorders selected Dr. Heitler from all the marriage and family therapists in the US to demonstrate the theory and techniques of couple treatment.  Her video from this series, The Angry Couple: Conflict Focused Treatment has become a staple in psychologist and marriage counseling training programs.
The editors of the Psychologist Desk Reference, a compendium of therapeutic interventions, selected Dr. Heitler to write the chapter onTreating High Conflict Couples. Other editors of books on counseling theory and techniques have similarly invited her to contribute chapters on her conflict resolution treatment methods.
Dr. Heitler’s 1997 book The Power of Two (New Harbinger), which clarifies the communication and conflict resolution skills that sustain healthy marriages, has been translated for publication in six foreign language editions–in China, Taiwan, Israel, Turkey, Brazil and Poland.
Dr. Heitler has been invited to present workshops on her conflict resolution methods for mediators and lawyers, psychologists, and marriage and family therapists throughout the country.  She has been a popular presenter at national professional conferences including AAMFT, APA, SmartMarriages, and SEPI and has lectured internationally in Austria, Australia, Canada, China, Israel, Lebanon, Spain, and the United Arab Emirates.
Dr. Heitler is frequently interviewed in magazines such as FitnessMen’s HealthWomen’s World, and Parenting.  Her cases have appeared often in the Ladies Home Journal column “Can This Marriage Be Saved?”  She is often interviewed by Denver TV newscasters for her perspectives on psychological aspects of current events.
In May, 2004 Dr. Heitler appeared on the CBS Early Show where anchor Harry Smith introduced her as “the most influential person in my life—my therapist.”  He encouraged his viewers similarly to seek therapy when they are emotionally distressed and pre-marital counseling when they are contemplating marriage.
Most recently, Dr. Heitler, three of her adult children and one of their friends were awarded a U.S. government Healthy Marriages Initiative grant to produce interactive games for teaching marriage communication and conflict resolution skills over the internet.  Seehttp://poweroftwomarriage.com to experience their fun, low-cost, high-impact methods of teaching the skills for a strong and loving marriage.

Personal
Dr.  Heitler and her husband of almost 40 years are proud parents of four happily married adult children and are grandparents, thus far, of a a baker’s dozen grandchildren.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Darlene LancerJ.D.M.A.M.F.T.

    Aug 15, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    One thing to keep in mind is that women have higher expectations of their relationships than men. Women expect 80% happiness, while men are content if a relationship satisfies 50% of their expectations. One study showed 78% of men would remarry their ex-wives, and another that women value independence more than men. Relationship skills, such as communication and problem-solving make happier couples. Also low self-esteem will lead to more unhappiness whether you’re alone or married.
    Darlene Lancer, LMFT
    http://www.whatiscodependency.com
    Author of “Codependency for Dummies”

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