Connect with us

How Do I Date

Sing Along, “To all the men I’ve loved before, I’m not a slut, I’m not a whore…”

I've loved before

Poems

Sing Along, “To all the men I’ve loved before, I’m not a slut, I’m not a whore…”

A call to musical arms (and legs & thighs &….)

I woke up two mornings ago with the new words to this song, fully-formed, ringing in my ears. Usually, I address other topics more specific to my blog’s title. But there comes a time when less urgent matters fall away in the onslaught of hatred.Maybe it was Rush calling a kindred soul a slut; maybe it was the story I read the day before about a proposed bill in Arizona that would allow employers to fire women for using birth control for “non-medical” reasons. Or maybe it was the idea that women facing the unbearable pain of a possible abortion would be forced to have an unnecessary, unwanted “medical” vaginal penetration.

LOGISTICS: If you sing and you’re inspired, belt this one out however it moves you and drop it by my Marry, Divorce, Reconcile Facebook page. If you’re a man, just change the pronouns to make it your own (To all the men she’s loved before…She’s not a slut, she’s not a whore…you get the idea). Here’s an easy chord progression we can all follow. If you have a stanza to add, please do (and add it here on the comments section if you like). We’ll zipper all the songs together into a tribute to women that’s worthy of who we all really are.
Let’s get together and melt this horrid misogyny away. And, hey, if you’re good with the video tech aspects of this project (I’m not!), please drop me a note if you can help.
Get your ditties to me by end of April. I’ll post an update, and let’s make it go viral.

To All the Men I’ve Loved Before…

To all the men I’ve loved before
I’m not a slut, I’m not a whore.
Rush Limbaugh got it wrong, I dedicate this song,
To all the men I’ve loved before.

To all the men I’ve once caressed,
To all the guys that I undressed,
You showed me sex is good; that love is holy. Let’s…
Toast all the men I’ve loved before.

The deranged minds are hatred-sowing
And every time I hear them say
That girls are sluts and so unknowing
They just make me want to say…

To all the men we’ve loved before,
Who travelled in and out our “doors.”
When Willie Nelson sang this song, not a damn soul said he was wrong.
To all the men we’ve loved some more.

To all the men we’ve loved before,
You know that we’re not sluts or whores.
We’ve loved you, oh-so-true, we took you through and through.
To all the men we’ve loved before.

The deranged minds are hatred-sowing
And every time I hear them say
That girls are sluts and so unknowing
They just make me want to say…

That now it’s time to stand with us,
Reject this ugly, hate-filled mess.
We know you’ve got our backs. Cause no one wants to ax,
All the girls you’ve loved before.

To all the men I’ve loved before
I’m not a slut, I’m not a whore.
Rush Limbaugh got it wrong, I dedicate this song,
To all the men I’ve loved before.

To all the men I’ve loved before
I’m not a slut, I’m not a whore.
And even if I was, it’s always been MY fuzz;
To share with 
whomever I adore…

First published in Psychology Today onMarch 16, 2012. Reprinted with the kind permission of the author.

Like so many others, Rachel woke up one day to find herself divorced. Yet today she is joyously remarried to her ex-husband.
How did this happen?
Rachel Clark is a science writer and biologist with training in the sexual behavior of animals. Years back, she received a Master’s degree in Zoology, in which she studied and published on alternative male mating strategies. After working as a science writer with Cornell University’s Program on Breast Cancer and Environmental Risk Factors RachelI began a freelance science writing career that spans more than a decade.
Her writing has appeared in Nature news online, the Earth & Sky Radio Program, Living Bird Magazine, various science textbooks, in publications of the Joint Fire Science Program, and many others. She’s a member of the National Association of Science Writers and the Society of Environmental Journalists.
From this you might guess Rachel’s got a passion for learning. And it’s true. Growth excites her—and that hunger to grow is, in part, how she ended up divorced. Like so many thousands of other people, she had come to believe that she was stunted in her marriage; and that for many reasons it had come to a necessary end. But her divorce did not solve her “problems” and, rather, brought on many more difficult and painful challenges.
Her husband, like Rachel, is an investigator; he’s a scientist. Cerebral talks and figuring things out had always been part of their union. So even though they’d endured the finality and ferocity of a divorce, and even though were both in love with and living with new partners, and even though they had truly believed their marriage was over—in their quest to understand their intense post-divorce difficulties—they began talking.
Almost overnight there reawakened an unexpected passionate friendship. Together they began reading books on marriage, the science of attachment, affairs, and divorce. Stunned, they learned they’d succumbed to a culturally universal urge to flee their marriage; an urge that, in reality, had almost nothing to do with the marriage itself.
The flood gates broke as they let themselves admit that they still had a fierce emotional bond. And as they bore witness to their history, partnership, social network, marriage, extended family, children, and the life they’d shared together, they discovered that they had created the most vital adult relationship of their lives. Emerging science confirms the power of that bond…Nothing could ever replace it.
Today her beloved (first and second) husbands and her make their lives in the beauty and abundance of the Pacific Northwest with their two sons. They’ve been together for nearly 20 years, give or take the Divorce Time. He devotes his life energy to their family, community, and the mythic totem species of our region, the salmon.
Their boys spend their time reading, playing with Legos, and requesting yet another dinner party with their close family of friends. Rachel and her husband occasionally glance at each other over their heads, relief plain on their faces; they are so thankful they no longer endure the stress of their former split.
And Rachel? She finds joy in yoga, the delights of local food and their backyard chickens, writing, reading, her friendships, and especially, in the sacred art of growing in her marriage, loving her husband, and together, shepherding their greatest privilege: their children. Most nights you’ll find Rachel nestled in bed with her boys and husband, reading yet another Harry Potter chapter aloud…but rarely speaking of He Who Shall Not Be Named.
Rachel is currently writing a memoir of their experience. If their story can help avert the pain and trauma of even one unnecessary divorce or inspire another couple’s reconciliation, their heartache will have been worthwhile.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Jamie

    Nov 9, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    Your bio alone is raw, honest and brave. I think a lot of couple may find themselves regretting the decision to divorce and wish they could reconcile but for a multitude of reasons, don’t think it’s “right” or possible. Thanks for putting voice to a topic that very much needs to be addressed!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Poems

Best Dating Sites

Categories

Must Reads

To Top