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How To Solve The ONE Major Cause of Relationship Problems

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Inner Bonding

How To Solve The ONE Major Cause of Relationship Problems

What if you could discover the ONE major cause of your relationship problems and it was something that you could do something about? Would you do it?

The good news is that it makes it easier to understand why you might be having relationship problems.

The bad news is that to resolve the issue takes a deep personal commitment to heal.

The one cause is – self-abandonment.

Let’s take a look at what self-abandonment is and why it causes almost all relationship problems.

There are many areas in which we can abandon ourselves: emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, relational, and organizational. One or more of these areas may be affecting your relationship.

Emotional Self-Abandonment

We abandon ourselves emotionally in four major ways:

  1. We judge ourselves rather than accept ourselves.
  1. We ignore our feelings by staying up in our head rather than being present in our body, especially our painful feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, and grief.
  2. We turn to various addictions to numb the anxiety, depression, guilt, shame and anger that we cause when we judge ourselves and ignore our feelings.
  1. We make others responsible for our feelings.

Once we emotionally abandon ourselves and make others responsible for our feelings, then we need to try to control them to get them to love us and make us feel worthy. Trying to control another with anger, blame, criticism, compliance, or withdrawal creates many relationship problems.


Financial Self-Abandonment

When we refuse to take care of ourselves financially, instead expecting our partner to take financial responsibility for us, this can create problems. This is not a problem if your partner agrees to take financial responsibility for you and you fully accept how he or she takes this responsibility, but if you choose to be financially irresponsible, much conflict can occur over your self-abandonment.

Organizational Self-Abandonment

If you refuse to take responsibility for your own time and space, instead being consistently late or being a clutterer, and your partner is an on-time and/or neat person, this can create huge power struggles.

Physical Self-Abandonment

If you refuse to take care of yourself physically, instead eating badly and not exercising and possibly causing yourself health problems, your partner may feel resentful at having to take care of you. Your physical self-abandonment not only has negative consequences for you regarding your health and well being, but it also has unwanted consequences for your partner, which can lead to much conflict and power struggles.

Relational Self-Abandonment

If you refuse to speak up for yourself in your relationship, instead either giving yourself up or resisting, you are eroding the love in the relationship. When you abandon yourself to another through compliance or resistance, you create a lack of trust that leads to conflict and resentment.

Spiritual Self-Abandonment

When you make your partner your dependable source of love rather than learning to turn to a spiritual source for your dependable source of love, you place a very unfair burden on your partner. When your intent in the relationship is to get love rather than to share love, then you will pull on your partner for attention, approval, time, or sex. When you do not take responsibility for learning how to connect with a spiritual source of sustenance, your neediness can create much conflict in the relationship.

Learning to Love Yourself Rather than Abandon Yourself

When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner. Practicing Inner Bonding® is a very powerful way of learning to love yourself!

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING

Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.

Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world — mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.

Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships.

In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

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