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Anorgasmia Causing Her Extreme Sexual Frustration

anorgasmia

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Anorgasmia Causing Her Extreme Sexual Frustration

Anorgasmia has many causes

 

I am 36 years old & happily married.  Happily – for 9 years (the trust & lust is all there) and I LOVE having sex with my husband.  Yet I have never had an orgasm, by myself or with a partner.  Believe me, I have tried everything.  I have various toys and masturbate 3-ish times a week, sometimes trying,  sometimes just enjoying the moment, tensing & not…. to no avail.  I have taken a “becoming orgasmic” women’s class (with a sexual therapist & group of women), and that hasn’t worked either.

I have read about other women who are in the same boat, but are 18 or 20 – with all due respect, I have no sympathy.  I am 36, happy, 2 kids, and deserve this.  I don’t get it.

If you can help me, I am so grateful.  I have heard it all, tried it all (therapy, fantasizing, toys, books, etc) and the best I can describe it is, falling off the ladder at the third step.  Yet I get totally wet and love sex.  I am perfectly healthy & active.

Please help.

 

 

Signed by:
This sucks
Answer:

Yes, this does suck for you!

Since you say that you have heard it all and tried it all, I feel rather hopeless.

Anorgasmia is the technical name for inability to achieve orgasm. The most common causes of this condition are: diabetic neuropathy, multiple sclerosis, genital sclerosis, genital mutilation, complications from genital surgery, pelvic trauma (such as from a straddle injury caused by falling on the bars of a climbing frame, bicycle or gymnastics beam), hormonal imbalances, total hysterectomy, spinal cord injury, cauda equina syndrome, uterine embolisation, childbirth trauma (vaginal tearing through the use of forceps or suction or a large or unclosed episiotemy), vulvodynia and cardiovascular disease. Anorgasmia is far more common in females than in males and is especially rare in younger men. Anorgasmia is the medical term for regular difficulty reaching orgasm after ample sexual stimulation, often causing significant sexual frustration. About 15% of women report difficulties with orgasm, and as many as 10% of women in the United States have never climaxed. Many women who orgasm regularly only climax about 50-70% of the time.

A common cause of situational anorgasmia, in both men and women, is the use of anti-depressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors(SSRIs). Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD) is a name given to a reported iatrogenic sexual dysfunction caused by the previous use of SSRI antidepressants. Though reporting of anorgasmia as a side effect of SSRIs is not precise, it is estimated that 15-50% of users of such medications are affected by this condition.The chemical amantadine has been shown to relieve SSRI induced anorgasmia in some, but not all, people.

You said that you have ruled out all medical causes, so we are left with psychological factors. I know you said that you have done therapy. But there is therapy and therapy. Many therapists focus on fixing behavior or faulty thought patterns. The prevalence of the cognitive/behavioral therapeutic approach means that a person will not have the chance to delve deeply into the unconscious. Therefore, you will overlook the entire dimension that I have discussed.

I wonder if your previous therapists encouraged you to dig deeply into the unconscious part of your mind and investigate whether there is a conflict that is blocking your functioning.

Unconscious emotional conflicts are a common cause of anorgasmia. These include: fear of loss of power and control; fear of dependency and fear of loss. For many people, the act of letting go by giving over to an orgasm can be seen as terrifying because the act is synonymous with the loss of power and control. Adult children of alcoholics and drug addicts and/or those who have been abused emotionally, physically or sexually during childhood do not know how to set proper limits and protect themselves. In such cases, the only way to set limits is to avoid situations in which loss of control occurs. Loss of control is a key element in sexual response.

Sexual surrender also brings up feelings of need and dependency that are terrifying. What if open up and I’m rejected or worse, abandoned? These fears are all the more great if someone has suffered similar losses early in life.

I have given you a lot to chew on. If you want me to help you explore further, you can contact me in my private consulting division.

I hope you “come” to a resolution!

Photo By:Download Stock Photos passion, love, kiss, lips [resolution description] HD background imagesfrom MyStockPhoto.com

 

Author’s Books

Known to millions as “Dr. Love” through her website AskDrLove.com, Dr. Turndorf founded the web’s first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure.

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