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Sex Ideas To Boost Your Sexual Pleasure This Christmas

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Sex Ideas To Boost Your Sexual Pleasure This Christmas

Sex ideas for the twelve days of Xmas

Traditionally, the Christmas season begins on December 25th not the day after Thanksgiving. To help make our season bright, I offer some sex ideas for the holiday bedroom:

12 Drummers drumming… Do it to the beat of a drum!  Only 1 in 3 of my sex therapy patients have music in their master bedroom. In a recent UK survey by Spotify, 40% of the respondents found music even more arousing than touch. Bring the music into the bedroom. Here’s a sexy playlist.

11 Pipers piping…  Research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior  shows women use vocalization to reassure male partners and speed male orgasm rather than relate her own arousal. Moaning for true pleasure is responsiveness at its best. Use it to guide your partner in the sexiest way possible to enhance your own experience. Not only does it enhance your partner’s experience auditorily, but it can break through your own inhibition for a small risk. Pipe up!

10 Lords a leaping… Learn to leap! Women watch a man’s dance moves and calculate how he’ll move in bed.  On more women’s lists than you might imagine – a man that can dance is a huge turn-on.  If you’re hopeless, take ballroom dance. Give a coupon to your partner for Christmas for joint dance lessons.  If you can follow simple patterns you can learn to dance. Think it’s too late to learn?  Psychology Today studies show a man’s dance confidence increases after 60.

9 Ladies Dancing… Speaking of dancing, a woman’s sensuous moves count too.  In an article by Sally Dinfelder called Dance, Dance, Evolution, she writes that dancing has long been used for courtship and mating. Dinfelder quotes William Michael Brown, PhD, a psychologist and dance researcher at Queen Mary University of London, as saying “couples dancing together in tightly coordinated ways signal that they are highly bonded and committed to one another.” So at the office holiday dance, when they slow down the music and turn down the lights, move in real close – think dirty dancing close.

8 Maids-a-Milking… Show a little cleavage. Why men are breast-obsessed may be linked to oxytocin which is released during nursing and during orgasm.  It strongly bonds either mother and baby or lover to lover, state Larry Young and Brian Alexander, authors of the new release The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex, and the Science of Attraction.  Theirresearch also calculates that 82% of women become more aroused with breast stimulation.  So, show them (a little), touch them.
7 Swans-a-Swimming…Warm water is a sex saver. Best sex advice  – make getting in your jacuzzi tub part of a regular routine.  No phones, no computers, and no TVs in the bathroom; just time for the two of you to relax and talk.  Then, see what happens when two bodies are warm, relaxed, clean and naked.  Biggest reason women tell me they don’t seem to want to have sex in the winter: their feet are cold.  Warm up wet!

6 Geese-a-Laying… Get laid! – Couldn’t resist the innuendo and you shouldn’t either.  Learning to hear innuendo in ordinary conversation is the secret to being spontaneously funny. Listening and delighting in sexual innuendo gives us a playful attitude about sex.  Hey!  It’s supposed to be fun!!

5 Gold Rings… Just do it. Give yourself the chance to get aroused by starting. More than half of all women feel sexual desire after they are aroused per sex researcher Rosemary Basson, MD. The gold ring on our fingers is an outward, visible, tangible sign of our commitment to each other. Sex is a private, personal, physical exchange sacred to the marriagesealing our commitment.  Sex consummates a marriage.  Without sex we have a friendship, a form. Don’t waste money on expensive gifts this holiday if your partner is a sexual pursuer.  Give them sex five times over the holiday. I promise it will make them happier than gold.

4 Colly Birds – Chat like a blackbird. Perhaps the monogamous, common, English blackbird is mentioned in the song because it favors nesting in the holly and the ivy. If your partner is a sexual distancer and an emotional pursuer – give the gift that offers them a feeling of connection (which often leads to sex) – talk.  Amidst the busyness of the season, plan a special date. (I suggest a hotel room with wine, cheese and raspberries, a 4 hour time frame, napping, making love and then returning to the kids or relatives.) Bring a series of questions designed to be festive, fun and show your interest in them.

a)      What was your holiday like when you were 8?b)      Can you tell me your all-time favorite gift and why you loved it?

c)      Was there ever a sad/tragic/upsetting event over a holiday in your past?

d)      Do you remember the first holiday you were in love and what it was like?

e)      What has been your favorite holiday with me and why?

f)       What traditions do you want to start in our family and how can they reinforce our values?

g)      What is one thing I can do this holiday to make it more meaningful for you?

3 French Hens…Voulez-vous a coucher avec moi…ce soir?  In junior high I decided to study a foreign language in an area of the country where Spanish would have made the most sense. I chose French because it sounded sexy. In France, December 8th is la Fête de lumières, where candles are lit in the windows to celebrate the Virgin.  Celebrate another gift – your sexual relationship – by filling your bedroom with candles for one romantic evening.

2 Turtle Doves… Love and respect.  Spend time demonstrating these two virtues as the ultimate spousal gift of Christmas.  In bed and out of bed, love your partner their way. With the clash of holiday traditions, in-laws and families, there is ample opportunity to honor the differences in our partner and their family.  Remember what feels normal and right at Christmas is subjective.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree…two disparate things coming together to symbolize unity and joy.  Our separateness freely surrendered for one moment of merger in sexual pleasure. Marriage –  two separate people choosing a lifetime of connection.

 

Author’s Books – Click for Amazon Reviews

In 2000, Laurie Watson founded the Loving and Living Center (now Awakenings) to collaborate with the Raleigh-area medical community by providing psychotherapy focused on sexual health and couples’ counseling. Laurie has two decades of experience with a psychodynamic therapeutic approach that assumes people’s deepest needs are for connection, intimacy, and relationship. Lasting erotic sexuality in long-term relationships indicates a good balance of closeness and space between the partners. Laurie provides talk therapy for couples and individuals to find this equilibrium and restore (or gain) more happiness sexually and emotionally.

Accreditations:

Licensed Professional Counselor
Licensed Marriage Family Therapist
Certificate in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, Newport Psychoanalytic Institute, CA
Certified Sex Therapist with American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapists
MA, Marriage, Family Therapy, Azusa Pacific University, CA, 1989
Laurie teaches sexuality courses at local universities such as: UNC-Chapel Hill, Duke, and East Carolina University as well being a popular guest speaker for churches, clinical practices and medical specialties. Her first book—Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage—was published on December 4, 2012 and is available on Amazon.

Laurie was a guest on The Katie Show on July 24, 2013 talking with Katie Couric about her book and discussing advances in medical treatments for low libido in women.

Laurie has been married for 25 years and has three sons.

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