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Want To Add Anything To This Mr Right Shopping List?

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Want To Add Anything To This Mr Right Shopping List?

This Mr Right List Worked For A Female Friend

If it’s true that “when you are in love, smoke gets in your eyes” and even more true that: “when you’re betrayed, hurt and outraged, smoke gets in your eyes, that is quickly followed by fire and then scorched earth retaliation and revenge, how can you increase the chances that your next relationship will not just survive, but that the two of your will live happily ever after? A female friend of mine who was 47 and had never been married and kept bringing up her situation with a therapist.  Her therapist said, “Would you rather be in a miserable marriage, as apparently 50+% of couples are, or just accept that being alone is not so bad and doesn’t mean you’re any less than people who are married?” My friend was miffed, but highly creative and resourceful.  What she did next was brilliant. She made a list of all the qualities of her Mr Right, the man that she would want to spend the rest of her life with and something she would keep top of mind so that she’d recognize such a guy if she came across him.  This wasn’t rocket science.  Her Mr Right shopping list included:

  1. smart
  2. responsible
  3. attractive
  4. takes charge without being controlling
  5. relatively successful
  6. focuses on solutions vs. staying stuck in problems
  7. doesn’t complain
  8. doesn’t whine
  9. doesn’t indulge in self-pity
  10. doesn’t make excuses
  11. takes life but not himself too seriously
  12. great sense of humor
  13. takes care of himself health wise
  14. listens non-judgmentally
  15. gives people the benefit of the doubt
  16. is not a bore
  17. has some sense of self-awareness of how he comes off
  18. dedicated to self-improvement
  19. owns up to, takes full responsibility and faces consequences of his actions (and failure to act)
  20. admits and learns from mistakes
  21. has or had (if deceased) a good relationship with both parents

What made her exercise brilliant is that she then made a list of the qualities that such a Mr Right would be looking for in a woman.  She reasoned, “What good would it do if he was my Mr Right and I was the lemon? If that happened, I would always be worried that he would realize that and not put up with it.”  As you can imagine her list for herself was very close to that of her ideal mate with the addition of traits she knew she had that were turn offs, but never changed such as:

  1. being petty
  2. being b-tchy
  3. holding grudges
  4. being obsessed with her weight and/or need for plastic surgery
  5. alternatively being a slob at times
  6. being indecisive
  7. becoming and getting highly emotional and screaming when she was upset
  8. being gossipy
  9. overly chatty
  10. having one or two glasses of wine too many

It was so clear to her that she didn’t want to lose a good catch, that she finally got the motivation to correct some of her traits that made her less than desirable.  And not surprisingly, as she did that, her self-confidence and how she carried herself made her feel and be more attractive and desirable. Then one day she met Mr Right in that he had all the qualities on her list and by that time, so did she. And the result… married, ten years and counting and well on their way to living happily ever after.   [socialpoll id=”2199029″]

Authors’ Books and Kindle – Click for Amazon Reviews

Mark Goulston, M.D. is a business advisor, consultant, speaker, trainer and coach trained as a clinical psychiatrist who honed his skills as an FBI/police hostage negotiation trainer who increases people’s ability to get through to anyone. He is Co- Founder of Heartfelt Leadership whose Mission is: Daring to Care and Go Positive Now and is the Resident Big Brother at Business Women Rising and serves on the Board of Advisers of American Women Veterans and Dr. Oz’ foundation, Health Corps. He is the author of international best selling book, “Just Listen” Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone (AMACOM, $24.95) which has reached #1 at amazon kindle in six business categories, #1 in China and Germany , #1 in audible audiobooks and has been translated into fourteen languages. Dr. Goulston and his book was also a PBS special entitled “Just Listen with Dr. Mark Goulston.” His next book, REAL INFLUENCE: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In, co-authored with Dr. John Ullment will be the lead book for the American Management Association in January, 2013 and will focus on influencing people in a post-selling world. Dr. Goulston’s development of those skills started with his education: a B.A. from UC Berkeley, an M.D. from Boston University, post graduate residency in psychiatry at UCLA. He went on to be a professor at UCLA’s internationally renowned Neuropsychiatric Institute for more than twenty years, become a Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and was named one of America’s Top Psychiatrists for 2004-2005 and again in 2009 and 2011 by Washington, D.C. based Consumers’ Research Council of America. A partial list of companies, organizations and universities he has trained, spoken to, provided executive coaching to or consulted with include: GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Xerox, Deutsche Bank, Hyatt, Accenture, Astra Zenica, British Airways, Sodexo, ESPN, Kodak, Federal Express, YPO, YPOWPO India, Association for Corporate Growth, FBI, Los Angeles District Attorney, White & Case, Seyfarth Shaw, UCLA Anderson School of Management, USC, Pepperdine University. He is or has been a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors and the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches and is the best selling author of four prior books including the international best seller, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior (Perigee, $13.95) Get Out of Your Own Way at Work…and Help Others Do the Same (Perigee, $14.95), is a contributor to Harvard Business, blogs for the Huffington Post, Business Insider writes the Tribune media syndicated column, Solve Anything with Dr. Mark, column on leadership for FAST COMPANY, Directors Monthly. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, Today. Dr. Goulston lives in Los Angeles with his wife and three children.

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