Connect with us

How Do I Date

Need She Worry About Starting An Interracial Relationship?

interracial relationship


Need She Worry About Starting An Interracial Relationship?

I was matched with a guy on about a month and a half ago, and we hit it off great. We messaged back and forth for a couple of weeks and then we started texting and talking on the phone. He is kind, passionate, honest and romantic; all traits that I have been missing from other guys I have dated. He has a stable job, he takes care of himself, he is close with his family, loves his job, and has goals for the future. I am most attracted to his confidence in where our relationship could go. We want the same current goals: marriage, kids, etc… The only issue is that I am having trouble with the idea of dating someone of a different race. Specifically, I’m not sure if I am attracted to him because he is of a different race. He is not an unattractive guy and both of our families are supportive of interracial relationships. I’m just afraid that I will lead him on too far, and when we meet in person, I won’t be attracted to him and I will have to hurt him. I am attracted to who he is, and I have been hoping that I would eventually get to the point where his race wouldn’t bother me, but it still does. He is already pretty serious about this relationship working out and I keep telling him that we need to take it slow. This issue is hindering me from letting him in completely and I’m scared I might mess this up.

What should I do?

Signed by:

I commend you for being so honest in admitting your reluctance to engage in an interracial relationship.

Notice you said you are having trouble with the “idea” of dating someone from another race. The problem here is one of ideation or beliefs. Deep down it sounds like you don’t believe that you should date someone from another race.

But what exactly are we talking about when we speak of racial difference. As I see it, racial differences can cause value clashes—areas in which you differ based on background, goals, beliefs, etc. In your case, you appear to be compatible in terms of your values, beliefs, goals and temperament. You said that you like his personality.

But there is another aspect of racial difference. That is the external package. What a person from another race looks like. In the end, aren’t we talking about different skin color?

For a moment let’s take a spiritual turn. If you think about it the external package—our bodies, skin color is just a vessel for the soul. When you bond with someone, it is truly two souls uniting. As we age, and the external package wrinkles and fades, we are reminded of what matters: that our purpose in life is to perfect our souls, to deepen our capacity for loving others.

If you can put aside the “superficial” issue of skin color, then what do we have? Two people who seem quite compatible.

You said you worry that in person you won’t find him attractive. Attraction is a mysterious and magical thing. It’s possible that you might feel attracted to a man of your own race based on his photo, phone conversations or written correspondence. Then, in person, you just might not feel chemistry.

But, the good news is, as long as the other person is “attractive enough” and not downright repulsive to you, chemistry can develop over time as a result of a deepening emotional bond. In fact, there are many cases in which couples were not attracted to each other at first, but the chemistry developed as their connection grew.

My sense is that attraction isn’t the problem here. My concern is that your own beliefs that you shouldn’t be with someone of another race would actually block you from allowing yourself to admit your attraction.

My suggestion is that you meet as soon as possible and find out how you feel. This way you won’t string him along unnecessarily.

I’m interested to hear how you feel after you meet him. Please let me know.

Photo Source:e-session pose | cute couple photosfrom

Author’s Books

Known to millions as "Dr. Love" through her website, Dr. Turndorf founded the web's first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure. Dr. Turndorf's multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, "Ask Dr. Love," can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled "We Can Work it Out," is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years. Dr. Turndorf's methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage,, She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire. Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw. Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies. As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page:

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

More in Dating

Best Dating Sites


Must Reads

To Top