She Feels So Sexually Frustrated It’s Driving Her To Drink and Burgers
Hello doctor….warm greetings. Seeking your guidance. I am in my mid thirties. Trying to date. Forever single. It’s just that I find it hard to deal with the disappointments of dating. Whenever the guy becomes rejecting or uninterested I feel upset and humiliated. To be frank, whenever I have the expectation that an evening will end in sex and it doesn’t, I feel extremely upset, sexually frustrated and bitter. Not that I’m looking for just sex, I want to find a stable man. But this has happened a few times that a guy slept with me and on the next date did not seem interested in sex. Hence I never saw those guys again!!
Recently I tried to be more charitable and saw the guy a second time after he did not sleep with me but again the same result. I felt like wringing him and asking if he did not find me attractive or if I was worthy of only a one time encounter but fortunately restrained myself. After such disasters, I feel so upset and sexually frustrated, I want to have a half bottle of Vodka and three hamburgers and also give up trying altogether.
Sometimes I seriously think I should just overdrink and overeat and watch TV every weekend instead of my miserable attempts at mating. I know how ridiculous I sound but I’m trying to be honest and not sugarcoat what I feel. Bitter, sexually frustrated, lonely, a failure; I’m not exaggerating, it’s overwhelming.
I feel I have not able to snag a single guy so far, while all others are blissfully (or not so blissfully) mated. Forget marriage, I could be glad if a guy even had an affair with me for six months and then dumped me. I am above average attractive physically and reasonably outgoing, and not caustic or bitter in my behavior.
It sounds like you’re expecting too much. I would say this fact applies to both sexes: sex cannot be turned off and on like a water faucet. Even someone who has a lot of sex will not want sex a good part of the time. (“Once a king, always a king, but once a night is enough.”)
Someone may not want to have sex at a particular time for all sorts of reasons: he may not feel self-confident and does not wish to disappoint you a second time (he may think he was not “good” enough sexually the first time), he may be feeling just a little ill, he may have had drugs (both legal and illicit) recently that would interfere with sexual performance, (This includes alcohol.) He may have had sex with someone or masturbated recently, he may be sleepy and have to get up early the next day, he may be distracted by an illness in his family–or by anything else. The circumstances in which the two of you find yourselves may be making him uneasy. (For example, could someone walk in on you?) He may even be wary of offending you in case you think he only wants to be with you for sex. I think after reading your comments, he might feel that he is not up to your sexual demands.
The situation that is more typically annoying to women is when they have sex with a man who never calls them again, leaving them feeling taken advantage of. The fact that a man wants to be with you a second time suggests that he likes you–to some extent, at least. I can assure you, that if you were attractive enough for him to sleep with you once, you are attractive enough for him to want to sleep with you a second time, but perhaps not right away. This is true for all men except a few who are troubled and are afraid of real closeness or intimacy.
It sounds from your comments that you plan on giving up on men if they are not sexually aggressive enough. This would strike most women as odd, even amusing. It is true that most men are less interested in sex after a honeymoon period, but not after the first date.
As far as giving up goes: job seekers who respond to advertisements for employment openings are interviewed only 2% of the time! That is not an argument for giving up. It is an argument for applying to many more jobs. Perhaps there are some other reasons other than those you mention that have caused you to become discouraged.
p.s. If you eat hamburgers every time you feel sexually frustrated, you’re eating too many hamburgers.