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Why You Shouldn’t Write Him Off On The First Date

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Why You Shouldn’t Write Him Off On The First Date

Write him off on the first date and you might just be saying goodbye to your Mr. Right!

It’s all too easy to decide a certain man isn’t for you – we make such quick judgments from those first impressions.  And if you’re on eHarmony, you might think that there’s plenty of choice, which means you shouldn’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t measure up.

But giving a man a chance isn’t settling – it’s opening yourself up to the man who is ultimately right for you.  Here’s why…


Remember Charlotte and Harry on Sex and The City? The bald, sweaty, often brusque man was not Charlotte’s ideal suitor by any stretch of the imagination. If Charlotte had met Harry at a bar and he had asked her out, she probably would have rejected him out right.  But, as you may know, Harry was Charlotte’s lawyer, so by default she was spending more and more time with him.  Before she knew it, she was swept away by the “wrong” guy who was absolutely right for her and adored her like no other.  Likewise, the perfect guy for you might not come in the package you’ve imagined…but you won’t know that unless you give him a chance.

The other thing to remember is that you wouldn’t want a man to make a snap judgment about you.  Think about the times a man has written you off without taking the time to discover all the wonderful things about you.  So, if you find yourself thinking “he’s to this” or “he’s too that,” stop and ask the very same questions about you.  Are you the perfect height?  The most desirable weight?  Are you without flaws yourself?  Remember that any man who dates you will also have to overlook your “imperfections”…and focus instead on what makes you who you are.


Every single man who comes into your life – regardless of how long he stays or what kind of an impact he makes – will teach you something you need to know to get you to the next stage of your love life…and help you identify the right man when he does show up.

Maybe this new man will turn into the best guy friend you ever had, maybe he’ll open your eyes to parts of you that are more attractive than you’ve ever considered.  Or maybe there’s something about him that will clue you in to something you need in a man.

Ask yourself: is there something I need to find out here?  For instance, maybe he’s an artist and you’ve only dated business-type guys, and this guy shows you how to appreciate the sensitive side in a man.  Or it could be that this new man treats you so well that you’ll realize you deserve so much more than what you’ve been settling for.


If you’ve been making bad choices in your love life until now – if you’ve had your heart broken too often or you seem to pick the same kind of men who aren’t good for you – then you need to let a man grow on you in a different way.  You need to learn to feel the pleasure of being loved and appreciated by a good man.  And the only way to do that is to push yourself past your usual comfort zones and give different kinds of guys a chance – namely, the men who are pursuing you.

Here’s a quick little exercise that will open your eyes:  write down the qualities you’re looking for in a guy, then write down the qualities of the last four guys you dated.  Are they similar?  Are you repeating a pattern?  Only by expanding your view of what constitutes a worthy date will you finally be able to break the patterns that have been holding you back.

Before you write off a new man, give him six dates.  Yes, six (unless he makes you feel uncomfortable or is disrespectful.)  But if you find him pleasant enough, look past the initial lack of fireworks and simply spend time with him on a get-to-know-you basis.  Forget the pressure of dating, and just get to know another human being.  True chemistry only happens over time and when you feel safe with someone; this is the kind of chemistry that stands the test of time and plants the seed for a lifelong romance.

[Rori Raye]


Rori is a relationship coach who helps women create more loving relationships through the techniques she teaches in her live seminars, online relationship advice products and one-on-one coaching sessions with clients. She turned her own miserable and painful love life around to the glorious, happy marriage she's enjoyed with her husband of 25+ years, and now she shares her secrets with a million women who actively engage with her in her newsletters. Her readers see her as a best friend with a "we're in this together" sort of attitude when it comes to love advice.

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