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Why The Thrill Of The Chase Has Never Excited Me

thrill of the chase


Why The Thrill Of The Chase Has Never Excited Me

What is it about the thrill of the chase that excites people and why should there be any chasing anyway?

No more dangling dancing string, no more incipient romance

Like a kitten chasing a string abandoned as uninteresting lifeless lint when you stop making it move, there are people, male and female, who prefer the thrill of the chase to the actual consummation of any kind of relationship. Unfortunately, you can’t know who they are until they, too, stop playing with you and abandon the game and you with it like so much lifeless lint. No more dangling dancing string, no more incipient romance. Perhaps he or she has gone on to chase a livelier mouse, but you’ll never know because they rarely stop to communicate.

Long ago, I resolved not to be a string dangler. I very soon weary of it with my cats.  I certainly don’t enjoy it with people. I am very direct; polite, I hope, but direct: “I had fun with you this evening, but I have to tell you I really don’t see any romantic possibilities here.” Nobody wants to be told or even have it implied that they are not devastatingly attractive. I certainly don’t, but it sure beats waiting by the phone or, since I never did do that for long, sending out a cute and provocative e-mail….and having it go unanswered.

Many dating and mating handbooks will tell you not to appear too eager. He’s supposed to wait a few days to call her after they meet. She’s supposed to say she’s busy if he asks her out Friday for Saturday. Ugh! It may work to heighten the desire of those who enjoy the thrill of the chase, but I am not among them. Nor have I ever wanted to fascinate those who enjoy those games.

Those handbooks fail to mention that all of us, every single man and woman jack, likes to feel charming, admired, desired, and letting another person know that you find him or her appealing, without any game playing is an even more successful strategy. It certainly makes the world a happier place for all of us.

So if you are one of us who do not enjoy game playing I urge you not to play them. Flirt if you like to flirt.  Most people enjoy that game when its premise is “I find you attractive.  If only things were different.” No promises implied, non inferred. We both are left feeling glad we are the sex we are and isn’t it fun. If you do enjoy games, play on.  But be aware of the feelings of others who are not quite as adept and don’t play at chasing what you have no intention of catching. Flirt with no strings attached – dangling or otherwise.

Courtesy of’s Happen Magazine

[Isadora Alman]

Isadora Alman, M.F.T., is a California licensed marriage and relationship therapist, a Board-certified sexologist, author and lecturer. Her syndicated sex and relationship column "Ask Isadora" ran in alternative weekly papers worldwide for 25+ years. Web surfers can find her columns on her online free interactive Sexuality Forum (link is external). She is the author of two collections of Q & A's from columns: Let's Talk Sex and Ask Isadora, as well as Sex Information, May I Help You?, a peek behind the scenes of a sex help phone line which still flourishes in San Francisco today. Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex is a collection of helpful hints and titillating tidbits culled from column readers and Forum web site users. Her novel Bluebirds of Impossible Paradises: A Sexual Odyssey of the 70's is out in paperback on She has also contributed chapters to several books including Herotica (Down There Press), Dick For A Day (Villard NY), The Moment Of Truth (Seal Press) and Single Woman Of A Certain Age (Inner Ocean Publishing, Inc.) Isadora has been a talk show host and frequent TV and radio talk show guest, and a lecturer and workshop leader on a variety of communications topics. She conducts her private psychotherapy practice in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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