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Choosing Between Two Lovers

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Choosing Between Two Lovers

Two lovers are NEVER better than one

I have a girlfriend whom I love and I have another girlfriend whom I love too. How should I choose which one should I go for?

It’s kinda difficult since I love them both equally and with pure heart. I want to have them both but practically it’s next to impossible. So please enlighten me how to find peace of mind since I can’t afford to lose both or even one for that matter!! Thanks

Signed by:

I can’t afford to lose either girlfriend!

You say that you aren’t willing to lose one or both of these women. Since you are unwilling to choose, my first question is why can’t you have two lovers? Are you receiving pressure from one or both of these women to make a choice? Are you leading a double life and lying to them both?

If the latter is true, then peace of mind will be impossible for you to find. While it is true that humans are capable of loving many people, having two lovers is leading you down a path that will end in disaster. Most women don’t take kindly to sharing their partners with someone else. Sooner or later, you are going to lose at least one if not both of these women.

It is always possible that you are seeing two women who have the same unfinished childhood business. For example, if these two women had a parent who wasn’t available to them; perhaps a parent who cheated on the other, then they would naturally choose a guy like you who recreates their childhood trauma. In that case, you would be perfect for both of these women. I highly doubt that both of these women are playing out their childhoods with you. More likely they are either unaware of what’s going on or waiting for you to choose.

I remember an old psychoanalyst who told me about a patient who spent years obsessing over what career to choose. He was equally drawn to two options. After decades, the analyst finally said, ’It’s time to shit or get off the pot.’ The same applies to you. You can’t have your cake and eat it too (unless you are dating two of the most unusual women I’ve ever known. I’ve never met a woman who likes to share her boyfriend. I highly doubt these two women are comfortable sharing you!)

Life is about choices. Each choice is the elimination of other choices. The fact that you won’t choose tells me that you may have been over-indulged as a child and given whatever you wanted when you wanted it. If this is true, then you never learned to be frustrated. You learned that you could have your cake and eat it too! This over-indulgence would predispose you to giving yourself whatever you feel like having, including a relationship with two different women.

It is also possible that your refusal to choose may cover a deep fear of commitment and intimacy, which itself covers a deeper fear of abandonment and/or rejection. Until you give your heart to one person, you aren’t loving anyone fully.

Now I know that religious servants don’t marry or give themselves to any one person, so that they are free to do their ministry and love everyone.  But, you’re not a priest! You’re a lay man–no pun intended! So, since you don’t live in a polygamous society, you are going to have to make a choice or become a Mormon!

Author’s Books

Known to millions as "Dr. Love" through her website, Dr. Turndorf founded the web's first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure. Dr. Turndorf's multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, "Ask Dr. Love," can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled "We Can Work it Out," is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years. Dr. Turndorf's methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage,, She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire. Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw. Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies. As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page:

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