Practising your Duchenne smile for complaint resolution
Because we view complaints as acts of self-assertion rather than the requests for help they indeed are, we often fail to utilize the most effective complaints tool we have for eliciting help conveying an implicit optimism about getting the outcome we want by using authentic smiles.
How smiles affect helping behaviour Authentic smiles convey optimism and strong confidence that the complaint recipient will respond favourably to the issue we’re presenting, thus making them more likely to do so. It all boils down to how authentic smiles effect our mood and the mood of those who are exposed to them. Authentic smiles have the power to elicit a reflexive response in the recipient-they smile back. Consequently, we can induce a better mood in others simply by flashing them authentic smiles. Smiles can be a powerful complaints tool because people tend to be far more helpful when they are in a good mood.
The impact of mood on helping behaviour has been demonstrated using mood enhancing devices such as sunshine and even cookies. Smiles are equally effective in inducing good mood and they have the added advantage of being readily available, glycemic friendly and weatherproof. The problem is that flashing an authentic smile is not necessarily easy after we’ve waited fifteen minutes to speak to the service representative we view as responsible for the fact that our new auto-drip coffee maker refuses to drip.
But let’s think about that for a moment; is it fair to be angry with the service representative?
The person who can solve our problem is rarely the one who created it Although customer service employees do represent the company, their job is merely to resolve our complaints to the best of their ability using predetermined guidelines. Certainly, they did not manufacture the defective toaster oven that lobs our toast seven feet into the air, nor were they responsible for our St. Patrick’s Day sweater arriving in pink instead of green. Similarly, the manager of the restaurant was not the one who spilled the beet soup on our wife’s white dress and the municipality clerk was not the one who composed the 600 page permit application for repaving driveways.
Reminding ourselves of these facts will help us manage our frustration so we can flash an authentic smile at the manager or service representative and increase their motivation to help us. An authentic smile is also called a Duchenne smile, for the French physician Guillaume Duchenne, who studied the physiology of facial expressions in the nineteenth century. The question is how does one tell the difference between an authentic smile and a forced one?
Why crow’s feet are good for happiness despite what the Botox industry thinks Take a trip down memory lane and look at your class yearbook pictures from middle school (if your pictures are from the 70s or the 80s, try not to get too distracted by the hair…). It shouldn’t take long for us to realize that we can indeed distinguish between authentic smiles and smiles that appear forced even if we cannot put our finger on exactly what it is that makes a smile seem un-authentic (and no, it’s not the acne).
So, what does make a smile authentic? One basic thing-crow’s feet. When the muscles around our mouth and lips try to go it alone by saying “Cheese!” our smile looks forced. But when we involve the muscles around our eyes and cheeks and create crow’s feet, our smiles appear natural and authentic and they truly light up our faces.
A Duchenne smile is highly associated with happiness and not just because they affect our mood for the better. Studies found that people who displayed deeper crow’s feet in their childhood pictures were less likely to divorce as adults than those whose childhood pictures had less intense crow’s feet. And a study of smiles in pictures of baseball players found that players with deeper crow’s feet lived five years longer on average than those with a non-Duchenne smile.
The steps for using authentic smiles in complaints To elicit good will in a complaint recipient our smiles must be authentic because only authentic smiles elicit authentic smiles in return. However, a Duchenne smile is not easy to fake and they can require some rehearsal to deliver convincingly. Following these steps will make you more likely to get the result you want and they will also make the entire complaints process far more pleasant for all concerned.
1. Start by practising in the mirror. If making faces in the mirror makes you self-conscious, use a cell-phone camera to assess your progress. Try to involve your cheek muscles by thinking happy optimistic thoughts such as I’m going to get a refund! or I hated that white dress anyway! 2. The true test of any Duchenne smile is whether it elicits one in return. Take your Duchenne smile out for a spin. Practice on neighbours, colleagues or sale associates in stores (avoid sample sales-way too cutthroat and Darwinian). If your smile has deep crow’s feet, theirs will too.
3. Once you’ve perfected your Duchenne smile and a complaint situation presents itself, make eye contact, say hello and flash the service representative or manager your best Duchenne smile. Then present your complaint in a calm and civil manner.
Smiles, like many effective complaining techniques, are simple tools we can all use. Indeed, once we acquire the right skill set, becoming an effective squeaky wheel, getting results and reaping emotional rewards by doing so, is often easier and more worthwhile than we realized.
Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, keynote speaker, and author whose books have already been translated into thirteen languages. His most recent book is Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries (Hudson Street Press, 2013). The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem (Walker & Company) was published in January 2011.
Dr. Winch received his doctorate in clinical psychology from New York University in 1991 and completed a postdoctoral fellowship in family and couples therapy at NYU Medical Center. He has been working with individuals, couples and families in his private practice in Manhattan, since 1992. He is a member of the American Psychological Association.
In addition to the Blog on this site, Dr. Winch also writes the popular Squeaky Wheel Blog on Psychology Today.com, and blogs for Huffington Post.