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My Girlfriend Sends Texts to Her Ex



My Girlfriend Sends Texts to Her Ex

My girlfriend texts her ex every other day and says  he is her closest friend. I have met all her other male  friends and I am cool with them. The exception is the ex in question. We scheduled several meetings but he always backs out. I found out that he told my girl that he thinks I’m insecure and says that will never work. I feel that’s poison. So I reach out on face book and told him I’m not insecure and the reason I don’t trust him is that I don’t know him and he is in a recovery program and I found out he used so I feel he’s might not be honest if he’s lying in recovery.

The ex replied that the next time he sees me he is going to beat me badly. I told my girl and much to my surprise she blamed me for starting with him and reaching out. She now is upset that I am making her choose. She refuses and wants to keep the things the way the were. Every time I mentioned it she would says she can’t take the stress and says she near a breakdown. Now it’s been a couple days and I can not even mention his name. We agreed to get counseling and I asked her to stop communicating with him till then , she said ok in stress but since won’t repeat the promise. My part was that I would not talk about it till we get counseling. Help.

Feeling hurt


Dear Feeling Hurt,

How painful it is when the person you love appears to be giving attention to someone else, especially when that person is an ex. Such experiences can be shaming, disappointing, and leave you feeling very disconnected from a partner. However, we cannot truly control the choices of someone else. You may have to step back and take a look at the relationship to determine if it’s giving you what you need. The problem with situations that create jealousy is that such feelings change who you are; they consume you and impact you negatively. Talking about the situation with a counselor is a very healthy choice.

Best wishes,


This article is in no way intended as a substitute for medical or psychological counseling. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Author’s Books- Click for Amazon Reviews

Dr. Mary Lamia is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who works with adults, couples, adolescents, and preteens in her Marin County private practice. She is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. Extending psychological knowledge to the public has been her endeavor for thirty years. Dr. Lamia’s opinion has been sought in hundreds of television, radio, and print media interviews and discussions, and for nearly a decade she hosted a weekly call-in talk show, KidTalk with Dr. Mary, on Radio Disney stations. Her books include: Emotions! Making Sense of Your Feelings; Understanding Myself: A Kid’s Guide to Intense Emotions and Strong Feelings: and, The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself From Your Need to Rescue Others.

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