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An Effective Way To Stop People With Narcissistic Traits Misleading You


Personality disorders

An Effective Way To Stop People With Narcissistic Traits Misleading You

People with narcissistic traits are incapable of real love

Are you searching for the love of your life? Are you currently married or in relationship and wondering if either you or your partner has narcissistic traits? Living today in a narcissistic culture where the focus on image and what we DO rules the scene… can certainly cause confusion for many. Awareness of what to look for in healthy relationships is key. If you are an adult raised by narcissistic parents, or just experiencing our image-based culture, you might be asking the wrong questions. It is time to throw away the old criteria on how you are choosing love partners because you might be accustomed to listing things like: “Is he good looking,?” “Is she financially well off?” “Does he have an impressive job?” “Does she drive a classy car?” “Can he dance or play golf?” For those of you involved in on-line dating, does this profile look familiar?

It is time to start asking different questions like: “Is she good looking on the inside?” “Can he manage feelings like he can handle his own company?” “Can she show and feel authentic emotions and display empathy?” “Can he dance internally with his own soul and mine?”

The following factors may be helpful in your love search:
(“He” is used for convenience in reading below, but you can insert either gender.)

• When you are with him, is he kind and compassionate? Does he act with integrity?

• Is he committed to, and does he have the capacity for a lifetime of learning and growing with you?

• Is he capable of genuine empathy? Is he interested in working through pain and problems?

• Does he have his own personal style, life, interests, hobbies, and passions – separate from yours?

• Are most of your values and worldviews (philosophies of life) similar?

• Do you share common interests so that you can be playful and spend leisure time together that you both enjoy?

• Does he have a sense of humor? Does he use it without hostility but with a good heart?

• Does he want to be your best friend and soul mate, and is he capable of being that? (Does he act like your best friend?

• Does he talk about his feelings and yours, and is he in touch with his own emotional world?

• Can he handle ambivalence and shades of gray and not be too rigidabout failures and weaknesses in you, himself, and others?

• Does he add to your soul life as well as your material life, and thereby making your world a wonderful place to be when you are in it together?

• Does he bring out the best in you?

It seems common to worry if we are going to be liked by others. But, we should really be aware of our own feelings and if we have cause to like someone else. So, here’s a final question to ask: “How do I feel in the presence of this person?” The right person should be bringing out your authentic self and when that happens, you know it! Even good ole Freudfrom back in the day said, “Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.” And, Coco Chanel leaves us with, “Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.” Changing your love criteria may change your life.

Photo Credit:Shriya Saran Cute Indian Actress HD Photos | Mega HD Photos from

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Dr. Karyl, LMFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Denver, Colorado with almost 30 years in public and private practice. She specializes in treating clients with dysfunctional family issues. For the past seventeen years, Dr. Karyl has been involved in private research concerning children of narcissistic parents, with a primary focus on women raised by narcissistic mothers. She has treated many adult children of narcissistic parents in her private practice. The author holds a B.A. from the University of Wyoming in elementary and special education, an M.A. from the University of Northern Colorado in counseling psychology, an Educational Specialist graduate degree from the University of Northern Colorado in school psychology, and a Ph.D. from The Union Institute in clinical psychology. Dr. Karyl also has extensive clinical experience in the fields of trauma, sexual abuse, domestic violence, divorce and step family therapy, marital and family therapy, specialized trauma treatment in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), and individual adjustment issues related to anxiety, depression, and life transitions. In addition, she does forensic consulting and has served as an expert witness in numerous civil and criminal cases involving children and sexual abuse. She has nine years experience conducting sexual abuse investigations with law enforcement and has conducted training for law enforcement in the area of sexual abuse investigations. In 1996, she was invited to present her doctoral research at the International Police Research Conference in Ljubljana, Slovenia. Additional information on services provided and background experience can be found on Dr. Karyl’s private practice website at Dr. Karyl is available for workshops, talks and media appearances on the topic of maternal narcissism. Contact Dr. Karyl for more information.

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