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Are You Suffering From Approval Or Love Addiction?

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Are You Suffering From Approval Or Love Addiction?

The following checklist will help you to determine your level of approval or love addiction

In my experience as a counselor for many years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society.

What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a checklist for you to see if you are addicted to love and/or approval. Believing any of these may indicate love or approval addiction.

I believe that:

  • My happiness and wellbeing are dependent upon getting love from another person.
  • My adequacy, lovability, and feelings of self-worth and self-esteem come from others liking me and approving of me.
  • Others’ disapproval or rejection mean that I’m not good enough.
  • I can’t make myself happy.
  • I can’t make myself as happy as someone else can.
  • My best feelings come from outside myself, from how other people or a particular other person sees me and treats me.
  • Others are responsible for my feelings. Therefore, if someone cares about me, he or she will never do anything that hurts or upsets me.
  • I can’t be alone. I feel like I’ll die if I’m alone.
  • When I’m upset, it’s someone else’s fault.
  • It’s up to other people to make me feel good about myself by approving of me.
  • I’m not responsible for my feelings. Other people make me feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, shut down, guilty, shamed or depressed – and they are responsible for fixing my feelings.
  • I’m not responsible for my behavior. Other people make me yell, act crazy, get sick, laugh, cry, get violent, leave or fail.
  • Others are selfish if they do what they want instead of what I want or need.
  • If I’m not connected to someone, I will die.
  • I can’t handle the pain of disapproval, rejection, abandonment, or being shut out – the pain of loneliness and heartbreak.

Living as a love or approval addict is a very hard way to live. You have to constantly make sure you say the right thing, do the right, and look right, in order to get the needed love and approval. Your feelings are on a roller coaster – from feeling the wonderful feelings that come from getting your love or approval “fix,” to feeling the despair that comes when your “supply” – the source of your love and approval – shuts down, gets angry or judgmental, or goes away.

The Underlying Cause of Love and Approval Addiction

Love and approval addiction is rooted in self-abandonment. Imagine the feeling part of you as a child – your inner child. When you are love or approval addicted, you have given your inner child away for adoption. Instead of learning to take responsibility for your own sense of worth and wellbeing by loving and approving of yourself, you have handed your inner child away to others for love and approval – making others responsible for your feelings. This inner self-abandonment will always cause the deep pain of low self-worth, making you dependent upon others for your self-worth.

The sad thing about all of this is that love is the most abundant thing in the universe. We live in a sea of love – it is always within us and all around us. It is our Source. When you learn and practice the Inner Bonding process that we teach, and learn to open to Spirit/God/Source, you become filled with love, with peace, with joy. The empty place within that yearns to be filled becomes so filled with love that it overflows to others. You find yourself desiring to give love rather than always trying to get it.

As long as you make others your Source, you will not find the love, peace and joy that you seek. By learning and practicing Inner Bonding, you can learn to fill yourself with love and heal your love and approval addictions.

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

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CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

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