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Healing The Extreme Fear of Rejection

fear of rejection

Fear of Rejection

Healing The Extreme Fear of Rejection

Do you isolate yourself out of a fear of rejection?

You will fear rejection when you believe that who you are is your wounded self rather than your core Self. In this article, discover how to heal the fear of rejection.

“I’m really lonely,” Sabrina told me in one of our phone sessions, “yet I continue to isolate. I don’t reach out to people and I don’t go places where I could meet people because I’m so afraid of rejection.”

I hear this statement over and over from my clients, both married and single. What causes this fear and why is it so common?

The answer to this question lies in understanding who you think you are – whether you think you are your wounded self or your core Self – your Essence.

The wounded self in all of us is inadequate, controlling, and insecure. This is our false self, our ego, the part of us we constructed to attempt to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. This part of us protects with both overt and covert methods of control – anger, blame, compliance, resistance, withdrawal, people-pleasing, and so on. This part of us is seldom endearing!

If we think we are our wounded self, then of course we fear rejection. How could we not? We know that this aspect of us may be empty, needy, boring, manipulative – anything but lovable. We may not like this part of ourselves, so how can we expect others to?

Imagine, however, that you know who you really are. Imagine you know you are your beautiful Essence, your individual expression of God – loving, compassionate, creative, wise, joyful, peaceful, and endowed with your individual gifts and talents. Imagine that you can see yourself through the eyes of love, the eyes of your spiritual Guidance.

When you really know that you are your beautiful and perfect Essence, then you know that you are inherently lovable and worthy. You know that you have much love to offer others, and that there is no inherent reason others would not like you. When you are operating from your loving Adult knowing who you are, you do not take rejection personally. You know that if others reject you, it is either because they are in their wounded selves and are taking it out on you, or you are operating as your wounded self. You know that if you are expressing yourself as your lovable Essence, the only reason someone would reject you is because of his or her own issues of fear and insecurity. The loving Adult does not reject – either oneself or others.

The loving Adult knows that we do not have any control over how others feel about us. But when we love ourselves and truly value our Essence, how others feel about us is not a big issue. When you value yourself, you pick people to be with who also value you. You would choose not to be with someone who consistently rejects you.

As a loving Adult, you would reach out to share love with others, and if they were not available for sharing love with you, you would just move on, not taking it personally. For example, if you were at a party as a loving Adult, valuing your Essence, you would approach someone with openness and warmth. If that person didn’t response with openness and warmth, you would reassure your Child that the person’s behavior has nothing to do with you and you would move on to another person, having received the information that this person is not open.

When you know that you are your Essence rather than your wounded self, you know that you have much to offer others. Our Essence always has a warm smile, a loving energy, a caring and understanding heart, a listening ear, as well as compassion and empathy to offer others. And, after all, isn’t this what we all seek in our relationships?

You don’t have to be the best at something or the most physically attractive person to be completely lovable. Your lovability is really about your ability to love, which your Essence has in abundance. When you know this and choose to operate from your loving Adult connected with your Essence, you will no longer fear rejection. Isolating becomes a thing of the past when your intent is to share your love rather than avoid rejection.

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

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CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

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