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How To Heal Perfectionism

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How To Heal Perfectionism

Discover the 3 big false beliefs that lead to the burden of perfectionism, and the truth that heals these beliefs.

Do you believe that being “perfect” gives you control over how people feel about you?”If you do, then you are coming from 3 big false beliefs that are causing you much unhappiness.

False Belief #1

“I can have control over how people feel about me.”

Think for a moment whether or not others have control over how you feel about them. Can someone do everything “right” and be “perfect” in their own eyes, yet you don’t enjoy being around them or you don’t feel connected with them?

Of course!

Others may influence how you feel about them, but they have no control over how you feel about them. If you are a basically accepting person, then you might like them even if they get angry or withdrawn. If you are generally a judgmental person, then there may be little they can do for you to like them.

Now turn this around regarding how others feel about you. Since you have no control over whether or not another person is accepting or judgmental, it stands to reason that you also have no control over how they feel about you, regardless of how perfectly loving, open, caring, giving, understanding, handsome, beautiful, or rich you are.


False Belief #2

“There is a standard of perfectionism and I can reach it.”

I grew up believing that there was a “right” and “perfect” way to be. Then I learned that what I thought was right and perfect was not necessarily what others thought was right and perfect. In fact, it seemed that each person had a completely different understanding of what it means to be perfect!

This was quite distressing to me, as it took away my illusion of control over how people felt about me. At that time many years ago, I was terrified of rejection, so it gave me great comfort to believe that if only I was perfect enough, then I would never be rejected. Without a standard of perfection, what would be my guiding light to feel safe?

False Belief #3

“I am basically flawed and need to strive to cover up my flaws and appear to be better than I am.”

As long as I believed that I was basically flawed in some way, I was afraid of rejection. When I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance and see myself through the eyes of truth rather than through the eyes of my parents and others, I was able to see that my soul essence – my core Self – is already perfect, a perfect individualized expression of the Divine.

What was flawed were my beliefs that were programmed into me and needed to be healed.

Healing Perfectionism

Imagine how life would be for you if you knew that you were already perfectly wonderful and incredible just the way you are in your true Self? What if you could separate out the flawed, wounded, programmed part of you – the part you created to help you survive pain – from the magnificent part of you that God created. What if you could see that your ego wounded self – with all your fears and protections and ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain – is NOT who you are.

Then, instead of perfectionism being your guiding light, being fully and passionately yourself becomes your guiding light!

I assure you, this is a MUCH easier way to live!

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

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CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Darlene Lancer, LMFT

    Mar 12, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    This article breaks down clearly the beliefs that underlie perfectionism, which is a symptom of shame and codependency. To understand the connection, see bit.ly/1Gw9GFO
    In learning self-acceptance and healing shame, perfectionism fades away. See more on healing in “Conquering Shame and Codependency.” http://amzn.to/1aKeDQy
    Darlene Lancer, LMFT
    Author of “Codependency for Dummies” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency”
    http://www.whatiscodependency.com

  2. Darlene Lancer, LMFT

    Mar 12, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    This article breaks down clearly the beliefs that underlie perfectionism, which is a symptom of shame and codependency. For more on the connection, see bit.ly/1Gw9GFO
    In learning self-acceptance and healing shame, perfectionism fades away. See more on healing in “Conquering Shame and Codependency.” http://amzn.to/1aKeDQy
    Darlene Lancer, LMFT
    Author of “Codependency for Dummies” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency”
    http://www.whatiscodependency.com

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