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This Is Usually The Cause of Love Rejection

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Inner Bonding

This Is Usually The Cause of Love Rejection

Do you want to share love, but find yourself pulling away or pushing others away?

Do you find yourself wanting love but being afraid to really open to it? This is the situation Marley finds herself in:

“How can I do a better job of letting love in and sharing love? I seem to feel a fear of engulfment with loving, kind people and I tend to get overwhelmed and very introverted….in a sense pushing them away…..I want to change, but I don’t know what else to do.”

Marley, the fact that you experience a fear of engulfment with loving kind people indicates how much you want loving kindness, which triggers your fear that you will want it so much you will give yourself up to keep it. It’s the fear that you will give yourself up to avoid losing a loving kind person that leads to you pushing others away. Pushing them away is currently the only way your ego wounded self knows to protect you from losing yourself.

There is much you can do to heal this.

Healing The Fear of Engulfment

The fact that you are so fearful of giving yourself up and allowing yourself to be controlled/engulfed indicates that you are not giving yourself the loving kindness you need. Your inner child needs much loving kindness, so when you don’t give it to yourself, you become needy of getting it from others. But being needy for loving kindness from others makes you vulnerable to losing yourself, which is what is so very scary for you, so you end up pushing people away as your protection.

The first thing you need to do to begin to heal your fear of engulfment is to focus on giving yourself the loving kindness you need. Loving kindness toward yourself means letting go of self-judgments and of addictions that numb your feelings. Loving kindness toward yourself means attending to all your feelings with much kindness, gentleness, compassion and an intent to learn about what your feelings are telling you – both about how you are treating yourself and about how others are treating you.

The other reason you push people away is because you have not yet developed your loving Adult self to the point of being willing to lose the other person rather than lose yourself. And you have not developed your loving Adult to the point of setting healthy limits against being engulfed. Your ego wounded self is likely afraid of rejection, which can lead to losing yourself to avoid rejection. Without a loving Adult to set limits against engulfment and to manage rejection in loving ways, you are left with the only thing you know to do – which is to pull away or push people away.

In order to heal both your inner abandonment – your lack of giving yourself loving kindness – and your lack of loving limits against engulfment and not managing rejection, you need to practice Inner Bonding. The practice of Inner Bonding is a method by which you can develop your loving Adult.

Once you are giving yourself the loving kindness you need, you will not be so vulnerable to giving yourself up to avoid losing another’s loving kindness. Once you develop your strong loving Adult, you will know that you can manage loss and rejection – that you don’t have to give yourself up to avoid it. It is only when you know that you can manage rejection and loss that you will feel safe enough to open your heart and risk loving.

This is what will enable you to stop pushing people away out of your fear of engulfment. This is what will enable you to keep your heart open to letting love in and to sharing your love.

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Find out how Inner Bonding has helped Alanis Morissette to evolve in her courage to love.

Author’s Books

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING

Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.

Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world — mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.

Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships.

In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

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