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Your Need For Approval Stops You Doing What You Want To Do

need for approval

Anxiety

Your Need For Approval Stops You Doing What You Want To Do

Your Need For Approval Won’t Let You Be Yourself!

How would you feel and what would you do differently in your life if you gave up worrying about what others think of you – if you gave up your illusion of control over others’ feelings and thoughts?

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

Why should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you! Right now, take a moment to ponder the question: “How would I feel and what would I do differently if I never thought about what people think of me?” I pondered this question many years ago and discovered some things that changed my life:

  • I discovered that I felt anxious whenever I worried about what someone thought of me, which made it impossible to be myself. As soon as I was concerned about their judgement my need for approval made me try to become what I thought they wanted me to be to gain their approval. This made me so tense that even if I got their approval, I still felt bad.
  • I discovered that I was drawn to being with judgemental people – people who were very much like my parents – and I was addicted to trying to get these judgemental people to approve of me. I saw that this was a dead end – that I had no control over getting judgemental and rejecting people to be loving and kind, and I stopped being drawn to these people.
  • I discovered that even if I got their approval, it was always short-lived and I had to keep looking good and performing right to get it again. This was an exhausting way to live.
  • I discovered that no matter how hard I worked on doing things right and being perfect and never making a mistake or failing, some people liked me and some didn’t. I learned that if I was just myself and gave up being right and perfect, some people liked me and some didn’t. I finally saw that trying so hard to get love or approval was a complete waste of my time and energy!
  • I discovered that I was confusing love and approval. I learned that love is that which is unconditional and that people either gave it freely or they didn’t and it was not something I could earn or control. I might be able to control getting some approval, but not love.
  • I learned that, while approval felt good for the moment, it never fully filled me with love for myself, or confidence in myself.
  • I discovered that when I gave myself the approval, love and attention that I was trying so hard to get from others, life became much easier and more fun!

By really paying attention to my feelings and actions, I was able to completely give up even thinking about what others thought of me. I discovered the truth of what Terry Cole Whitaker said in the title of her book, “What Others Think Of Me Is None Of My Business.”

It is such a freedom to never think about what others think of me! I am free to speak my truth, to say yes or no according to what is in my highest good, to love with my whole heart and soul, to freely offer my gifts and talents, to trust my own feelings and higher guidance rather than buy into others’ beliefs and opinions, to not be controlled by fear of making a mistake or fear of others’ judgement, to laugh as loud as long as I want as I want, and to cry when I am hurting or moved.

I am free to love myself and share my love with others with no agenda regarding how they will feel about me, and this is the greatest joy of all.

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]

 

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING

Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.

Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world — mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.

Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships.

In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Darlene Lancer, LMFT

    Sep 21, 2015 at 4:39 am

    The need for approval stems for low self-esteem and shame, usually originating in dysfunctional family dynamics growing up. Shame can be healed and self-esteem can be learned.
    Darlene Lancer, LMFT
    Author of “10 Steps to Self Esteem” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency”
    http://www.whatiscodependency.com

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