Break Up Sorrow Always Ends
Fredric Neuman, M.D.
Dr. Neuman is also the author of the following novels:
"The Seclusion Room," Viking Press.
"Maneuvers" Dial Press
"Come One, Come All,"
"The Wicked Son," "Detroit Tom and His Gang"
"Superpowers."
All these books are available from Amazon.
Latest posts by Fredric Neuman, M.D. (see all)
- It’s No Surprise Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder - Jun 17, 2015
- What Do You Know About Dating Etiquette And Ethics? - Jun 11, 2015
- Are You Confusing Assertiveness With Aggressiveness? - Feb 20, 2015
How can she get over this break up?
Dear Dr. Neuman,I’m a 28 year old woman and I had a breakdown when my boyfriend and I broke up. Most of family is dead and when my other relationships ended I was more focused on my mom dying ( I took care of her when from 21-23 when she died from cancer), or another close family member that died. I’ve had a bit of a sad life, and I don’t say this as a victim but most people pity my sister and I when we say “it’s just us”. My father was horribly abusive in nearly everyway and I am estranged from him. My latest boyfriend was the first person that I was vulnerable with. I feel gratitude about this, I truly do. In the end though, he wouldn’t commit to me and I’m having a really hard time that it took him so damn long to tell me that. I was really happy. And, I really loved him. It’s been 3 months. I quit my job because I couldn’t work. All I did was cry, not sleep, the whole thing. Truly, considering my life- I really didn’t think “falling in love” with some regular guy in his mid 30s would send me off the edge, but it has. I’m looking for a job now because my saving is not going to last for too much longer. I’ve found some support in friends, but most days I want someone to put a spell on me to make me fall out of love with this man that didn’t really love me in same way. I’ve had a therapist on and off for a while but she got me through death and even though this break up is loss, she can’t help me. Please don’t tell me time will make it better because I’ve stopped telling people how much grief I’m still experiencing out of embarrassment. Everyone thinks I’m tougher than this and I should suck it up. I don’t think I’ve ever been in pain quite like this, and I know I’m still young, but I don’t know what to do. I’m trying very hard to love myself better, but it’s all very hard. I’ve been on some dates. I feel devastated. Should I try hypnotherapy, or something else? Anything!! Please.Thank you for your time” href=”http://www.fredricneumanmd.com/blog/dear-dr-neumanim-a-28-year-old-woman-and-i-had-a-breakdown-when-my-boyfriend-and-i-broke-up-most-of-family-is-dead-and-when-my-other-relationships-ended-i-was-more-focused-on-my-mom-dying-i-took/” rel=”bookmark”>Dear Dr. Neuman,I’m a 28 year old woman and I had a breakdown when my boyfriend and I broke up. Most of family is dead and when my other relationships ended I was more focused on my mom dying ( I took care of her when from 21-23 when she died from cancer), or another close family member that died. I’ve had a bit of a sad life, and I don’t say this as a victim but most people pity my sister and I when we say “it’s just us”. My father was horribly abusive in nearly everyway and I am estranged from him. My latest boyfriend was the first person that I was vulnerable with. I feel gratitude about this, I truly do. In the end though, he wouldn’t commit to me and I’m having a really hard time that it took him so damn long to tell me that. I was really happy. And, I really loved him. It’s been 3 months. I quit my job because I couldn’t work. All I did was cry, not sleep, the whole thing. Truly, considering my life- I really didn’t think “falling in love” with some regular guy in his mid 30s would send me off the edge, but it has. I’m looking for a job now because my saving is not going to last for too much longer. I’ve found some support in friends, but most days I want someone to put a spell on me to make me fall out of love with this man that didn’t really love me in same way. I’ve had a therapist on and off for a while but she got me through death and even though this break up is loss, she can’t help me. Please don’t tell me time will make it better because I’ve stopped telling people how much grief I’m still experiencing out of embarrassment. Everyone thinks I’m tougher than this and I should suck it up. I don’t think I’ve ever been in pain quite like this, and I know I’m still young, but I don’t know what to do. I’m trying very hard to love myself better, but it’s all very hard. I’ve been on some dates. I feel devastated. Should I try hypnotherapy, or something else? Anything!! Please.Thank you for your time.
Posted by Libby
Do not try hypnotherapy. It won’t work, and unless there is more to your story, I would not expect drugs to work either. Grief responds to filling the missing gaps. Take heart in the fact that others have been through this experience and it is not fatal and not forever. It sounds like you are doing the right things. Try to be patient. Some people suffer more from these breakups because those separations resonate with other experiences in their lives. But falling out of love is inevitable–often occurring at the time you fall in love with someone else.
