Dear Uncle Slash,
All of my friends are eager to jump at being “facebook” official. Another example of showing your love before being in love. When is it appropriate, or is it even appropriate for everyone to know your relationship status? Or another way for someone to stake their claim? When is it about love and not about being territorial because #bitchesbecrazy!
Tx,
Petunia
Dearest Petunia,
Weeks before my marriage, I sat in the court magistrate’s office with Raleigh (my wife-to-be) and we argued over our future shared last name. Raleigh actually wanted us to change our last name to Tu Tu Moon-Bear – the combined names of our beloved stuffed animals as children. I refused.
The magistrate rolled her eyes as we argued incessantly about what a husband should or shouldn’t do and what a wife should or shouldn’t be. In the end, we decided to keep our given names, but nearly called off the wedding.
On our honeymoon, Raleigh decided we should shave our heads so we wouldn’t base our love on anything superficial that might get in the way of us actually loving one another. “Without material constraints,” she said. “We can train ourselves to look beyond mere physical appearaces.”
I woke up the next day, took one look at her and felt like I’d married a big bald man. The hairless woman sleeping beside me in no way resembled the beautiful girl I walked down the isle with. I realized what a shallow person I was. By the time her hair grew out, we were filing our divorce papers.
As far as divorces go, ours was easy. We shared no last name, no joint bank account and no Facebook relationship status. All-in-all, there wasn’t much that held us together.
I remind you of this Petunia so you won’t be so quick to judge the conventions of simple things like a shared Facebook status. Staked claim or not, sometimes it’s these very troublesome upper-middle-class dilemmas that bond us together in inexplicable ways. And in terms of when you should make the shift? If you’ve used the “L” word (love) and the “R” word (relationship) with one another, I suspect you’re the only crazy one if you haven’t changed your Facebook status yet.
Best,
Uncle Slash
