How many first dates have you been on? 10, 20, thirty or maybe more? More importantly how many of your first dates resulted in a second date? Most people would have you believe that it’s all a numbers game and the more first dates you go on the greater your chances of finding your soulmate. However I would argue that “it’s not what you do but the way that you do it that’s what gets results!”
Why waste your precious time and money on arranging first dates with people that for whatever reason you just don’t get? There must be a better way and there is!
So what is this one simple rule – COMMUNICATE!
You must get to know someone really really well BEFORE you arrange a first date, so well that by the time it comes to meet them you know your first date will not be your last. In fact before you meet them you might well have fallen in love with them.. Impossible I hear you say but not say I – anything is possible with an open heart and an open mind.
Here are the simple steps you need to take to ensure your communication results in getting to know someone intimately:
1. Check out their dating profile
Study their profile like your life depended on it because you could end up marrying this person. Remember the old adage marry in haste and repent at leisure – DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!
Make sure you are birds of a feather in terms of hopes, dreams and values. Opposites don’t attract so don’t be tempted by how attractive someone looks to make compromises on the hopes, dreams and values you hold most dear.
Looks however are important so don’t compromise on that aspect of your ideal mate either. No point in you contacting someone who’s perfect for you in every respect but their looks – after all chemistry is vital. That’s not to say you’re looking for someone who looks like a movie start just that you find them attractive!
Okay so you’ve identified someone who meets your criteria – at least in those areas that are non negotiable – now what?
2. Make initial contact by email
Some people simply don’t like to receive flirts to test the water whereas emails are much more personal and appreciated much more because of that.
Treat the email like a conversation you are having with them whereby you ask them questions about themselves and you tell them a bit more about you. Make sure the first email is not too long – maybe just a sentence or two initially – your life story can wait until later and should only be told a chapter at a time!
Then wait for a reply. Incidentally most people who are not interested will just simply not reply. There are others who will reply to tell you why they are not interested in you and maybe as a result of the feedback you’ll decide to do things differently the next time.
How you initiate contact, what you say and how you reply is between you and your conscience. I strongly suggest you be compassionate towards others since many(myself included) find what goes around comes around sooner or later.
3. Seeing (and hearing) is believing
Carry on revealing your life story chapter by chapter and find out about theirs too until you feel the time is right to progress to a video chat date. The most advanced dating sites these days offer video chat. Video chat is a bit like Skype in that it enables you to see and hear one another from the comfort of your own home using a separate webcam or the one built into almost every laptop computer these days. Unlike the telephone you don’t need to reveal your phone number to the other person but just agree a time to suit the two of you.
A woman I met on a dating site was adamant that she would not meet anyone for a first date unless and until they agreed to a video chat meeting first because she had been so disappointed in the past with so many first dates that did not live up to her expectations.
Much of her disappointment arose from the difference between how the person looked in their online dating profile and in the flesh. It is not unknown for people to add pictures to their profiles that were taken 10-20 years previously or even the case I heard of where a man added a picture of his son to his dating profile. Not sure what the son would have thought if he’d found out but the lady meeting him on a first date was none too pleased!
Video chat enables you to see what someone looks like, sounds like and acts like at least whilst you’re having a conversation with them. Undoubtedly that makes video chat the best way to discover if you really like someone enough to want to take the next step – meet them for a first date in person.
If you both like what you see and hear on video then your first date is bound to result in a second and who knows where it might lead thereafter.