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Your Life Needn’t Stop For Heartbreak


Inner Bonding

Your Life Needn’t Stop For Heartbreak

Life Can Still Be Enjoyed Even With Heartbreak

When you learn how to hold your heart with love and compassion, you will discover that you can feel peaceful and even alive and passionate about your life in the midst of heartbreak.

“I’ve finally learned how to lovingly hold my heart when my heart hurts from the pain of disconnection with loved ones,” said Meagan in our phone session. “I’ve discovered that it’s possible to feel peaceful even in the midst of loneliness and heartbreak.”Does it seem like a paradox to you to feel both peaceful and sad at the same time? When events are challenging – a loved one is angry at you, you’ve ended a relationship, you’ve been fired from a job, a loved one has died – your heart hurts with the loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness over others and events, and from the sadness and sorrow of the situation.

You have 2 choices regarding how to handle these very painful feelings.

  • You can do everything you can to avoid feeling them with your substance and process addictions – to food, drugs, alcohol, work, spending, sex, TV, Internet, daydreaming, anger, blame, withdrawal, people-pleasing, and so on.
  • You can hold your heart, opening to the feelings with deep kindness and tenderness toward yourself.

When you do the first – avoid the feelings – you are abandoning yourself, which causes anxiety, depression, shame, anger, and/or emptiness.

When you do the second, you are loving yourself, connecting with yourself and with your spiritual Source of love, compassion and comfort. This creates an inner feeling of safety and peace, even in the midst of pain.

The Mistaken Choice

It is likely that you learned as a child many ways of avoiding feeling your painful feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness over others, as you were too little to manage these feelings yourself. Unless you had a parent who knew how to be there for you with deep love and compassion when you were hurting – an empathic parent who knew how to connect with you and your feelings – you had to learn to avoid them to survive.

However, now, as an adult, you can learn to manage the painful feeling of life. You can learn to give to yourself what your parents didn’t know how to give to you – to become the loving parent to yourself that you still need. You can learn to hold your heart, bringing in the compassion and comfort of Spirit, giving yourself the caring, tenderness, gentleness, and understanding that you need to feel peaceful and safe in the midst of the pain.

It is a big mistake to believe that avoiding the pain is safer than embracing it – whether it’s past pain or present pain. A member of Inner Bonding Village, who had been severely abused as a child, states:

The utter loneliness and heartbreak were more than my little self could bear. I really had thought that somehow I could heal without looking at this very dark corner of my being. Yes, like a large black hole where no sunlight could reach. So much anger and pain is here. It feels like I was thrown into a closet and locked in with both. Gratefully, I have found a safe place in which to begin finding those closeted children and bringing them into the light for healing. At one time, no one heard or believed what she had been through and survived but now, there is someone there to hear her cries, open the closet, pick her up, hold her tenderly, believe her, and be her mother.

That person, of course, is her. She is learning to be the loving parent that the wounded little children within need to heal. And, even in the midst of pain, she feels much more peaceful than she ever could by avoiding her pain.

Learn to hold your heart with love and compassion for yourself and you will learn that you can feel peaceful, and even alive and passionate about your life in the midst of the pain of life.

[Margaret Paul Relationship Toolbox]


CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.

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