I’m in a relationship with this guy but he has a child with his ex,his aunts and the girls family wants them to get married but he tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me but the mother of his child sometimes sleeps over at his house for a whole week with the child…now i want to know is it possible to not have a connection with the mother of your child even though you two broke up?is it possible that our relationship can work or should i move on?


When a partner shares a child with someone else, complexity is added to your relationship with them. What’s best for the child is that her parents have a cordial relationship, and a new partner must recognize that forever the parents will be connected via their mutual child. Whether or not your relationship can work depends upon many factors, including your ability to be comfortable with relationship he has with his child’s mother–a circumstance most people have difficulty accepting. The situation you mention, that “the mother of his child sleeps over at his house for a whole week with the child,” may occur for a variety of reasons and not just because she wants a relationship with the child’s father. Nevertheless, your relationship with him will include all of the people in his life to whom he is attached. Thus, you have to decide if it works for you or if you should move on.

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Dr. Mary Lamia is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who works with adults, couples, adolescents, and preteens in her Marin County private practice. She is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. Extending psychological knowledge to the public has been her endeavor for thirty years. Dr. Lamia’s opinion has been sought in hundreds of television, radio, and print media interviews and discussions, and for nearly a decade she hosted a weekly call-in talk show, KidTalk with Dr. Mary, on Radio Disney stations. Her books include: Emotions! Making Sense of Your Feelings; Understanding Myself: A Kid’s Guide to Intense Emotions and Strong Feelings: and, The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself From Your Need to Rescue Others.