Are you mystified about how to create meaningful emotional connection with others?

We are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous dysfunctional or unsatisfying ways of connecting, and wonder why we still feel lonely around someone when we are trying so hard to connect.

Emotional connection is an experience of the heart, not of the head. While you may feel a certain kind of connection when you are in your head, this form of connection may leave you feeling unsatisfied.

Do you try to create connection by:

  • Gossiping
  • Storytelling about things that don’t relate to the person you are talking to
  • Going on and on about yourself
  • Discussing details about mundane subjects
  • Discussing superficial topics, such as the weather
  • Complaining, whining
  • Attacking, blaming
  • Interrogating – asking combative questions
  • Pulling for attention in various other ways

Satisfying emotional connection occurs when you talk and act from your heart, such as when you:

  1. Listen attentively and empathetically
  2. Ask kind questions about meaningful things
  3. Speak your truth from your heart
  4. Let the other in on your learning and healing process
  5. Share in a creative process
  6. Do fun things together, laugh together
  7. Do kind and caring things for each other
  8. Want to understand, when things may be difficult between you and another person – stay open to learning with them, even when it is challenging
  9. Support each other in things that are important to each of you
  10. Experience joy for another’s joy and pain for their pain
  11. Show caring for the other’s feelings
  12. Care about how your words and behavior affect the other person

I find that I can engage in many of these behaviors even in more casual encounters, such as when I’m at a social gathering. There is a huge difference for me between talking about the weather or complaining about something, and being truly interested in another person. Being aware of whether I’m coming from my head or my heart is what makes all the difference between a superficial connection and a meaningful connection.

I grew up hearing, “Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.” The message was, “Protect yourself from getting hurt, by staying in your head. If you share your heart with people, you will get hurt.” I learned this lesson so well that I ended up being completely disconnected from my body and my feelings, wondering why I could never feel connected with anyone.

Staying in my head disconnected me from my own heart and soul, and disconnected me from others’ hearts and souls. In order to reconnect with myself and my own truth and feelings, and feel the joy of connection with others, I needed to be willing to feel the deep loneliness of disconnection – which I had staved off my whole life. I also needed to be willing to feel the loneliness and heartache of experiencing others’ unwillingness to come from their open hearts.

I’d far rather experience the loneliness and heartache of experiencing others not connecting with me, than the emptiness and loneliness of my own disconnection from myself. It’s only in staying connected with my own feelings that I can experience the joy of connection with another, when that person is openhearted. The joy of connection with another is so fulfilling that I’m willing to risk getting hurt if they are closed to connection with me. The joy far outweighs the pain that might occur, when I come from my heart rather than my head.

Alanis Morrissette
Alanis Morissette
“Inner bonding really nurtures and fosters the relationship between self and spirit. Personally, it has helped every relationship that I have. I’m so grateful.”- Alanis Morissette   Find out how Inner Bonding has helped singer/songwriter Alanis Morissette to evolve in her courage to love>>

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CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.