How to find out if somebody has commitment issues

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 months now. He lives in another country though, so it’s not like we see each other every day. He’s here for work regurlarly.  I’m 25 and he’s 36. I’ve had commitment issues in the past and never had a serious relationship, but I don’t have these issues anymore.  I really like this guy and I want to know where he’s at. I get attention when I’m in a bar by myself and I turn every guy down because I only want to be with him. But if he’s sure that he doesn’t want our ‘relationship’ to develop in something more, then I don’t want to miss out on other experiences and maybe miss the opportunity of meeting a really nice guy. But he gets scared very easily and I don’t know how to ask how he feels. I’m afraid that he wants to run.  I don’t want to be officially boyfriend and girlfriend now, as I think that’s too soon and we need to get to know each other better, but I want to know if our ‘relationship’ now is just casual and fun for him while he’s here or if it can develop into more.

I hope you can help me.

When it comes to relationship advice, the question you have asked me is one that I hear all the time. I understand that you are reluctant to be direct with him because you’re afraid to scare him off.

Your fear that he’s going to tell you that he doesn’t want to be officially termed boyfriend/girlfriend is something to pay attention to! If you’re getting that vibe there’s a good chance that you’re picking up where he’s coming from.

The best thing to do is to confirm that you’re right that he has commitment issues.

You can easily do this by lightly saying, “I’m getting the sense that you aren’t interested in forming a serious relationship, and that you would just like to have fun and nothing more. Am I right?”

Then, sit back and see what he says.

If he says, “Yea, I only want fun,” then you know that you need to keep dating other guys.

If he says directly that he’s not ready to be exclusive, then you can let him know that you’ll be dating other guys or you can just go out with other guys.

Above all, you must take care of yourself and keep your eye on the ball. Because it’s not fair to yourself to close down your options and behave as though you’re in an exclusive relationship when he isn’t on the same page as you.

Good luck.


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Known to millions as "Dr. Love" through her website, Dr. Turndorf founded the web's first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure. Dr. Turndorf's multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, "Ask Dr. Love," can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled "We Can Work it Out," is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years. Dr. Turndorf's methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage,, She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire. Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw. Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies. As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book . For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page: