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She’s Lost Her Libido


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She’s Lost Her Libido

Libido and depression are connected

My husband and I have been married for close to 4 years. During this 4 year period, we have had a satisfying sexual relationship. But, I will add that we have had our share of dry spells. All of these ‘dry spells’ were caused by me. I would go through periods of having low libido. But they usually would not last long.

Then close to four months ago, I was diagnosed with depression and put on the medication Zoloft. This medication has done wonders for my life. BUT, it has really hurt the sexually relationship between me and my husband. I no longer have ANY interest at all in sex. I don’t even seem to be capable of experiencing those sexual feelings.

This is causing much tension between my husband and myself. My husband is a very sexual person, and this has been very hard for him to deal with. I guess my question is…what can I do to regain my libido? I am at a loss as to how to deal with this.

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What Can I Do to Regain my Libido?
I totally understand your predicament and I’m glad you reached out to me for sex advice. You are really caught between a rock and a hard place (in more ways than one!). Your depression caused you to lose your libido and now the Zoloft is lowering your libido even further, which is really depressing.
There are many different schools of thought regarding how to treat depression. In my view, psychotropic medication is a last resort, when all other treatment options have failed. This is because taking medication may diminish your depression, but it doesn’t address the thoughts, feelings and issues that caused it. So, I think you need to decide how active you want to be in beating the problem.
Are you willing to go into therapy? According to research, people who do therapy have a much better rate of success than those who only take medication. In therapy, you will probably discover that there are many reasons why you became depressed.
The most common cause is unrecognized, or suppressed, anger. Since women have been socialized to be nice, it is easy for them to swallow their feelings and become depressed. Also, women have been socialized to caretake, which means that they will often tend to others before themselves. This leads to feeling used and abused, which also triggers angry feelings. And, if a person doesn’t own the anger, it’s easy to see how depression can result.
On top of buried anger, there are all kinds of ways that our thoughts can cause depression. Identifying the cognitive distortions that may be getting you down is also key. It sounds to me like Zoloft was the first and only intervention that has been made. And, the medication will do nothing for helping you to identify and solve the underlying causes of your depression. Plus, the meds. have side effects.
At this point, you need to decide if you want to take a more holistic, drug free approach. As you will discover, many people have beat depression with psychotherapy, exercise, and diet.
And, while we are on the subject of diet, there is much research that indicates that hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) is a major cause of depression. Food allergies have also been implicated along with essential fatty acid deficiencies.
 I’ll never forget the boy that I treated 15 years ago. He was a young man of 19 who had been on antidepressants for years. I had the sense that he was lacking in essential fatty acids (the omega oils you’ve been hearing so much about). I told him to eat eggs and nuts for a week.
When I saw him the following week, his depression had lifted and he was able to get off the drug. So, you have a lot of options. Keep in mind that most people can beat depression by taking a multi-pronged, nondrug approach. Lots of luck.

Author’s Books

Known to millions as "Dr. Love" through her website, Dr. Turndorf founded the web's first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure. Dr. Turndorf's multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, "Ask Dr. Love," can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled "We Can Work it Out," is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years. Dr. Turndorf's methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage,, She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire. Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw. Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies. As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page:

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