Discover the choice you can make to move out of emotional dependency and into emotional freedom

Are you ready to be your own person? Are you ready to move beyond neediness and into emotional freedom? Are you ready to stop needing others to make you feel that you are okay? Are you ready to learn to fill yourself with love and define your own worth?

I hope so! Being emotionally dependent is not fun!

When you are emotionally dependent, you set yourself up to be a victim of others’ choices. If others are loving and caring, then you feel good, but if others are rejecting, you feel bad. You place your emotional wellbeing into others’ hands, rather than taking responsibility for your own feelings and defining your own worth. Do you really want to go on living this way when there is another, far more fulfilling way to live?

I, like most people, grew up being emotionally dependent. I spent years feeling the anxiety that comes from needing others’ approval to feel lovable and worthy. I spent years feeling the inner aloneness that comes from self-abandonment. And I spent years in therapy trying to find out what was wrong and what to do about it. Yet I never learned, in all my reading and all my therapy – and all the years I spent in school getting my Ph.D. in psychology – that the cause of all my problems was self-abandonment.

As I look back on my growing-up years, I see that there was not one person in my life that wasn’t role modeling self-abandonment. Both of my parents were deeply emotionally dependent, as were my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and family friends. Nothing in books, in the media, or in school ever taught me how to attain emotional freedom – how to take loving care of myself so that I was not emotionally dependent on others’ approval, love and attention. I was run by my desire to have control over getting approval and avoiding disapproval.

Life is totally different, now that I know that it is not only my responsibility to give myself the love and approval I used to seek from others, but it is my right and my privilege. I was taught that it was selfish to take loving care of myself – that being a good person meant sacrificing myself and taking care of others instead. I was taught that my good feelings about myself had to come from others’ approval. I was told that if I loved and valued myself, I was being arrogant. “Who do you think you are?” Wow, what awful conditioning many of us experience.

I, like you, am a child of Divine Love, here to fully express the love, gifts and talents that I am. Within me – and you – is an incredible soul, the spark of the Divine within me, the part of me – and you – that is created in the image of God. It is my privilege, and yours, to take loving care of this soul – to nurture a healthy body as the house for my soul, to choose the thoughts and actions that create peace and joy within, to not indulge in thoughts and actions that create distress, and to making loving myself and others my highest priority.

When you choose the intention to learn to be loving to yourself and others, rather than the intention to control getting love and avoiding pain, you will learn how to move beyond emotional dependency and into emotional freedom. It is your moment-by-moment intention that determines your level of emotional dependency or your level of emotional freedom.

Alanis Morrissette
Alanis Morissette
“Inner bonding really nurtures and fosters the relationship between self and spirit. Personally, it has helped every relationship that I have. I’m so grateful.”- Alanis Morissette Here is the important secret that really makes love last which enabled singer/songwriter Alanis Morissette to evolve in her courage to love>>    

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© Copyright 2015 Margaret Paul. Ph.D, All rights Reserved.
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CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.