Are you prone to moving too fast in a new relationship? This article might make you think twice about doing that in future.
You just met someone, and you seem perfect for each other. It looks like you have finally met the right one, and you could not be happier. Then something happens; you have a disagreement, or maybe they just stop calling. You find yourself wondering what went wrong!
I was at a singles event recently, and this was the exact question that came up. A gentleman was asking my opinion on what he did wrong. The lady he had been dating all of a sudden ended the relationship. As he talked more, it came out that she was moving things along very quickly. He liked the attention and was flattered by her interest in him, but he was then confused when the relationship came to an abrupt halt. This was the last thing he expected.
I do not believe this relationship ended because of something he did wrong. I think the important piece of information here is the intensity of the relationship. This is not to say that all relationships that start off moving fast can’t work. Of course they can, but there are some pitfalls to consider if you find yourself head over heels in love too quickly.
Your new love may have put you on a pedestal when they fall in love too quickly. This can feel really good to you at first. Who wouldn’t like being adored and treated like a king or queen? The problem is that eventually you will fall off the pedestal. You will not be on your best behavior forever, and when you have a bad day, you are no longer perfect in their eyes. This is when the relationship can end very quickly for no apparent reason. Relationships that begin with intensity can burn out quickly.
It isn’t really about what you did or didn’t do. It has more to do with the other person. They might end the relationship as a defense mechanism. They might be looking for fatal flaws in all their new relationships as way of protecting themselves from getting hurt or as a self-fulfilling prophecy. These are the singles that have been single for a long time and have had no long term relationships. They can tell you everything that was wrong with all the past prospective partners. The tricky part is that when the relationship moves too quickly, you do not have time to find out this information. You are too busy enjoying the intensity.
Another reason the relationship might end abruptly is that one of the partners might panic by the speed the relationship is moving. Things might all of a sudden feel too confining or out of control, so they look for a reason to slow things down. The easiest way to do this is to find fault in something small and back off. This can be very confusing to the recipient. Almost all relationships, no matter how they start, will go through a time when one partner pulls back. This is a natural progression in a new relationship. Think of it as a test. How you react can decide the outcome. If the relationship was not a good one, it will end no matter what you do. But, if it has potential, your actions can make all the difference. It is important to give the other person their space and to be respectful of their need to pull back. If you can stay calm and not become needy or clingy, the relationship can become even stronger.
Finally, the biggest pitfall, I believe, in moving a relationship along too quickly is not balancing your heart with your head. When you lead with your heart, your head tends to get left out of the equation. You might overlook red flags or deal breakers that come up. You are too invested too soon and will make light of things that really need to be explored more thoroughly or given more attention. Remember, a bad marriage is far worse than being single. Slow down and take your time getting to know someone. It will pay off in the long run.
By keeping a full, active life of your own, you are less likely to get caught up in a relationship that moves too quickly.
For more information on how to successfully navigate the dating world, check out my program entitled Secrets to Successful Dating.
[Lori Ann Davis]