Is a fear of age difference masking his real fear?
I am romantically involved with a much younger woman.
She does not seem to worry about our age difference, but I do. Every thing else being equal, at what point should a couple be really concerned? 20 years difference? 30 years? 40 years? 50 years? Any advice??
Signed by:
I’m worried
Your question reminds me of a bit that I heard on Car Talk.
A man calls in and asks about his girlfriend’s car. He then says, ‘I’m really not calling about the car. I’m calling to say that my girlfriend is quite a bit younger than I am and I wanted to ask you if you think I should continue seeing her’. One of the Car Talk hosts asks how much younger she is. He says 30 years. The other host says, ‘an age difference like that can be fatal’, to which the other host replies, ‘If she dies, she dies.’ But seriously folks. . . .
You need to keep in mind that the things we worry about rarely come to pass. The disasters we brace for that never come. Because, as I’ve seen, fate always seems to serve a curve ball that we never saw coming. . . . So why live in the future. Why brace for imaginary disasters. You could end up getting hit by a bus tomorrow! So don’t focus on rules.
Couples can be miserable and incompatible even though they are the same age, and couples with a great age difference can be very compatible and happy together. What matters is whether you love each other and whether you enjoy your life together. If you do, then why not treasure the gift and enjoy it for as long as you live.
This being said, I also think you need to flesh out what frightens you about the age difference. Are you afraid that you won’t be able to hold her as you grow older? Are you worried that you won’t be able to satisfy her sexually as you age? Are you fearful that she’ll drop you later in life?
It’s vital that you figure out the origin of your fear. When you do, you will then be in a position to resolve the real issue that troubles you. As your self-reflection will soon reveal, your concern over the age difference is a smokescreen for a deeper fear. We need to identify that fear and work it through. Then you will feel free to move forward with her and enjoy your life together.
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