Why settle for less than your perfect partner?

When it comes to mate selection, most people allow themselves to be guided by superficial factors such as physical appearance or outward trappings of success, such as flashy cars, and so on.Despite the conscious rationalizations that most people come up with to explain their choice of mate, the reality is that mate choice is primarily driven by the unconscious mind. In fact, it’s said that 98% of the choices we make (the jobs we choose and the partners we select) is driven by the unconscious part of the psyche. Unfortunately, in the realm of mate selection, the unconscious mind is notorious for steering us wrong–especially if we are still saddled with Old Scars from childhood.

If Old Scars are still on the scene, we will invariably choose a partner who emotionally resembles the parent who let us down or harmed us. We do this so that we can replay the worst and most traumatic aspects of our childhood, hoping to achieve what I call our Happy Ending, which is a resolution of the original wound.

Unfortunately, because we choose partners who are limited and damaged in the exact same ways that our parents were, we never succeed in obtaining that Happy Ending. Instead we just keep banging our heads on the proverbial wall, fighting the same old fight, draining our lives away day by day, all the while getting nowhere.

But the urge to heal is so great, we often choose to stay with the wrong partners, desperately trying to change ourselves, thinking if only I try harder and am a better person/partner, I will succeed in fixing my partner and our relationship, and then I will finally win my Happy Ending. Even when this plan doesn’t work, you will be inclined to stay because giving up on your partner and your relationship feels like giving up the hope of ever healing your Old Scar.

In the event that you do manage to break free and break up, the sad fact is unless you heal your Old Scar you will end up with the same type of wrong partner again and again.

To truly break free, you need to identify and heal your Old Scar. When your healing is finished, you will no longer be drawn to a “damaged goods” domestic partner. I have many ways to assist you in healing: the advice archives on this site are loaded with articles on this topic (see unfinished business, repetition compulsion, and Old Scars). In addition, my book, Till Death Do Us Part(Unless I Kill You First) presents my step-by-step plan for identifying and healing your Old Scars. Last but not least, my book Make Up Don’t Break Up shows you how to further nurture yourself and raise your self-esteem.

Once you’ve healed your Old Scar and raised what I call your Personal Net Worth, you will be ready to form a healthy relationship. At this point, you are ready to magnetize the right partner to you.

But you need to take one more step. Since you are no longer going to give the time of day to that old kind of partner, you need start from scratch and define your new ideal partner, your Mr. or Ms. Right.

My free Create A Mate workbook will help you to do just that. This guide is based on all the factors that are related to compatibility, which includes Homogamy (or similarity in all the areas that matter most), Relationship Enhancing Communications, and strong Couple Identity. ( Read my article “How Can I Tell If We’re Compatible?” for a full understanding of compatibility.)

Create-A-Mate workbook cover

Through a series of detailed questions, I guide you to define every aspect of your perfect mate. From looks, to level of education, type of work, tastes, religious, spiritual, and financial, values, interests and tastes. I leave no stone unturned.

When you clearly define who is right for you, something magically occurs. You somehow manage to attract your ideal mate. I’ve seen it again and again; the clarity of your vision works like an affirmation, drawing the right partner to you, and this same clarity helps you to recognize your Mr. or Ms. Right when he/she comes along, rather than allowing him/her to pass you by. So don’t wait. Use my Create a Mate guide and find your ideal mate TODAY!

To get your free copy of Create-A-Mate: Dr. Love’s Blueprint for Discovering Your Ideal Partner & Avoiding Incompatibility , all you have to do is sign up for my weekly newsletter. Look for the signup form in the right hand column on this page, or click here to find out more about what you get with my newsletter. All my mailing lists strictly follow CAN-SPAM laws to ensure that you can unsubscribe at any time and your information is confidential.

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Known to millions as "Dr. Love" through her website AskDrLove.com, Dr. Turndorf founded the web's first and immensely popular relationship advice column in 1995. She consistently attracts new fans and keeps her existing audience engaged through her compassionate understanding as well as her frank delivery and earthy sense of humor. At the same time, she puts her listeners at ease while digging deeply in their psyches and prescribing her signature cure. Dr. Turndorf's multimedia platform allows her to share relevant and timely advice via radio, online, in print and on television. Her radio show, "Ask Dr. Love," can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on WebTalkRadio, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide. Her column entitled "We Can Work it Out," is published monthly online in Psychology Today. Her critically acclaimed books have been teaching readers the hard and fast facts to healing relationships for years. Dr. Turndorf's methods have been featured on national television networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1 and Fox, and on websites such as WebMD, iVillage, Discovery.com, MSNBC.com. She has also been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire. Dr. Turndorf’s latest Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray and John Bradshaw. Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, her beloved husband of 27 years, Dr. Turndorf has discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven to her that there is life after life and love never dies. As a result of her experiences, Dr. Turndorf has developed a groundbreaking form of grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, her method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with their departed loved ones. Her latest Hay House book on this topic is entitled Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased. To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book . For Free Gift details or to receive a sneak peek of Love Never DIes, visit the book page: http://askdrlove.com/page/love-never-dies-how-reconnect-and-make-peace-deceased.