Is online dating for losers?
“Online dating is for losers,” “online dating doesn’t work,” “don’t waste your time with online dating.”
Do these comments sound familiar, so familiar that you may have made a similar comment yourself having tried online dating and failed to find your perfect partner?
Since online dating first began in 1995 with Match.com it has received more than it’s fair share of negative comments. Its predecessor, computer dating started by Operation Match in 1966, received even more adverse comments. From my own experience of computer dating (as you can see I’m an early adopter in marketing terms) unlike online dating, these adverse comments were richly deserved. With its computer printouts of your ideal matches it was really only slightly better than blind dating!
And of course there was and still are personal ads in newspapers and magazines where potential partners make up their own minds whether or no someone offers them the perfect match.
The simple fact is (which people who condemn online dating don’t get is) all three dating methods provide singletons with a means to connect with one another and that more or less is it.
The difference between online dating and the traditional ways of meeting people (although I daresay online dating one day soon will probably be considered traditional) is that online dating offers far more choice.
The mainstream sites such as eHarmony, Match.com, DatingDirect.com and a plethora of others have millions of members.
Far more choice should at least in theory result in a much much better chance to match like minded people . Here I must emphasize “like minded”for those misguided souls who believe opposites attract. Attract they may do in the beginning of a relationship when each finds the others idiosyncrasies endearing. Unfortunately later on they become annoying and ultimately unbearable so please take my advice and don’t forget that “birds of a feather flock together” a more reliable idiom by far.
So why all the bad press about online dating?
A survey by Pew Research sheds some light on this question. The survey showed that only 23% of online daters in America establish long term relationships or marriage forged from their online dating activities.
That leaves 77% of disappointed online daters who probably have invested a significant amount of their time and money in their quest to find the perfect partner. If you were one of them what would you say about your online dating experience?
Would you accept the responsibility for your lack of online dating success or would you be more likely to denigrate the dating site you used?
Judging by the high number of refunds demanded by online daters from dating sites I would venture to suggest many people would choose the latter course of action.
So disgruntled online daters and online dating complaints abound.
No one likes to admit failure especially in the realms of securing a partner since this would be to admit that you are seemingly unattractive to other people, a social outcast if you will.
So what’s a man or woman to do faced with this “humiliating defeat?”
Time for a post mortem!
Let’s take a look at the four most likely causes of online dating failure and what you can do to turn things round:
- Understanding who you are
- Knowing what you’re looking for
- Self promotion
- People with problems
Understanding who you are
If you don’t know who you are then how on earth can you ever hope to find a like minded soul to share your life with?
Do you really know who you are?
Not sure then ask a friend to describe you – good points and bad and see if what they think of you and what you think of you match.
For good measure complete our free “Who am I” personality quiz.
Knowing what you’re looking for
Now that you know who you should find knowing the type of person you’re looking for easy because you’re looking for someone just like you or at least someone with similar values, interests and attitudes to you.
Self promotion
Knowing who you are and what kind of person you’re looking for are two steps in the right direction to find your prefect match online . Now though you need to describe these in the form of your online dating profile in a way that stands out from the millions of others that are competing for the attention of your ideal mate.
I wonder how many of the 77% of online daters in Pew’s survey who failed to establish a long term relationship or marriage failed because their online dating profile was just like millions of others and failed to attract the attention of the kinds of people they wanted to meet.
Having spent three years using online dating and having easily overlooked lots of profiles that all looked the same I’d be willing to bet that the single biggest cause of failure was a lack lustre, eminently forgettable or down right boring profile!
Generally people don’t like to talk about themselves far less write about themselves. Have you ever attended a meeting for the first time and been asked to stand up to introduce yourself? How did you feel about that? A little awkward or even a lot awkward and you probably ended up saying too little rather than too much.
You get the picture? Which reminds me a great picture or better still a video of yourself really is a must for your profile. Most online daters won’t even glance at someone’s profile if it doesn’t have a picture – well, would you?
If you don’t have a sensational profile with a great picture don’t be surprised to find very few or any people contact you or reply to your flirts or emails!
Read this article for online dating profile writing tips or better still take advantage of our online dating profile writing service.
People with problems
Ok – so you’ve now met someone online who seems to fit your bill for Mr or Ms Right but how do you know for sure they are the person you think they are?
During the first flush of a new and exciting romance both smitten parties are on their best behavior so it can be difficult to spot potential problems that lie ahead.
Emotional maturity and stability are mandatory for a relationship or marriage to survive and prosper.
If someone has been subjected to physical or emotional abuse in childhood then the fallout in adulthood can be insurmountable when it comes to sustaining a healthy relationship.
You may have been raised by parents who loved, cherished and encouraged you but sadly there are many children who are not and may also have been emotionally, physically or even sexually abused.
In adulthood they may find it difficult or impossible to love and trust another.
This means it’s vital you get to know about someone’s childhood.
Now I’m not suggesting that you reject such people but you do need to be aware they exist and should you decide to form a relationship may find this challenging – a bit like taking a ride on a roller coaster.
If you really can’t handle this type of situation or would prefer a relationship that’s if you like plain sailing I suggest you avoid getting involved with such people because it will only cause you a great deal of frustration and heartache.
Don’t give up on online dating
As in all things in life – you have to keep trying to succeed. If you’re online dating efforts so far have left you feeling uninspired and partnerless try again using this article to guide you.
Please let me know how you get on. I love to hear success stories so hopefully yours will be one of them!
Wishing you every success in your quest to find love.
Derek
