4 how to make friends checklists


After you’re out of school, it may not be as easy to make friends. Perhaps this article will help. Here we’re talking about platonic friends, not romantic ones.If you’re looking for more than one type of friend, you might want to complete these checklists separately for each type.

What for

It helps to first figure out what you want a friend for. Check all that apply:

___ A sympathetic ear.

___ An activity partner (specify the activity(ies):)

___  Intellectual discussions (specify topic(s):

___ Emotional discussions (specify topic(s):

___ Someone you can help with (specify:)

___  Someone to laugh with, be silly with.

___  Practical advice on (specify:)

___ Other (Specify:)


What characteristics would you like that friend to have? Mark the must-haves with an M, the nice-to-haves with an N.

___  More intelligent than you

___  Similar level of intelligence

___  Less intelligent

___  Mainly intellectual

___  Mainly emotional

___  Emotionally well-adjusted

___  Emotionally vulnerable

___  A great listener

___  Who talks about themselves a lot.

___  Who talks little about themselves.

___  Has similar political views to yours

___  Has different political views from yours

___  Funny

___  Wise

___  Ethical

___  Fast-paced

___  Laid back

___  Racially, ethnically, or religiously different from you

___  Racially, ethnically, or religiously similar to you

___  A straight arrow

___  Edgy

___ Other (Specify:)

Where would you like to interact with this friend?

__  Mainly or exclusively in-person (specify a location(s:)

__  Mainly or exclusively by phone, Skype, and/or email
Where are you likely to first meet this friend?

___ At a Meetup (specify:)

___ Online (specify:)

__  At work

___ At some recreation (specify:)

___ At some political event

___ At a class (specify:)

___ At a religious event

___  It’s an old friend you recontact

___ Other (specify:)

The Friend Report Card

Some friendships are worth devoting more time to. Others should be ended or cut back, but we may have a hard time doing that. It may help to see the relationship in black and white. For one or more of your friends, rate them A to F on each of these:

__  Meeting your needs

__  The time demands of the friendship

__  The emotional demands of the friendship

__  The friendship brings out the best in you.

__  Overall

Now what?

As you review your answers, is there anything you actually want to do to make, build, or cut a friendship?

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© Copyright 2014 Marty Nemko, Ph.D., All rights Reserved.
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Named the San Francisco Bay Area's "Best Career Coach," Marty Nemko has been career and personal coach to 4,500 clients and enjoys a 96% client-satisfaction rate. The author of seven books (250,000 copies sold) including How to Do Life: What They Didn’t Teach You in School plus over 2,000(!) published articles, including on Time.com where he also writes, Marty Nemko is in his 26th year as host of Work with Marty Nemko on KALW-FM (NPR-San Francisco.) He was the one man in a one-man PBS-TV Pledge Drive Special. Marty Nemko holds a Ph.D. in educational psychology from the University of California, Berkeley and subsequently taught there. He is married to Barbara Nemko, the Napa County Superintendent of Schools. They have one daughter and one doggie: Einstein, whose name is false advertising: He's dumb as dirt but sweet as they come. The archive of Marty Nemko's writings and radio show plus an active blog and Twitter stream are at www.martynemko.com.