Learn to keep the love in your life alive by avoiding these top 10 relationship killers

Top 10 Relationship Killers

The saddest thing I hear on the therapy couch is someone telling me that they’ve killed their relationship through what they have or haven’t done.
In fact, certain actions are relationship killers. Here are some areas where action-or inaction-will make all the difference.

1. Money. It is the number one cause of divorce. If a partner has been unscrupulous, getting the trust back can be a challenge. You can start over, but you have to be willing to make up for what was lost and make sure the business side of your relationship is tuned-up.

2. Sex/infidelity. A sexless marriage or unfaithfulness can extinguish love quicker than blowing out a candle. Don’t let the flame burn out when keeping things warm is much easier than you think.

3. Disrespect. If you call your partner names, belittle him or her, threaten to leave, or use insulting language and yell, research shows that your relationship has a very low chance of survival.

4. Children. To some, children are bipedal germ carriers; to others, they are a reason for living. When families blend or go through difficult changes, the kids can become the entire focus of your relationship. Make sure to keep things in balance with your partner, so you have the energy to deal with any child issues.

5. Opposite-sex friends. First introduce your partner to your friends so he or she gets to know them a little, and talk with your partner about keeping appropriate boundaries. A good mate would never ask you to give up life-long friendships – but keep in mind that you need to be open about those relationships.

6. Resentments. When you are holding pain, hurt, or anger in your heart, there is little room for love. If you are harboring some resentment (and who isn’t?), talk it out and put it to rest, so you can enjoy your relationship.

7. Discomfort/remodeling. If you are living in a construction zone, it’s pretty hard to feel comfortable. Injury or illness can create a similar situation. Your home should be a place of serenity, so if you are remodeling or are dealing with physical issues, make your comfort a priority.

8. Lying/broken promises. Once you have been caught in a lie or break a promise, things change-and not for the better. Even if you’re afraid of “getting in trouble,” tell the whole truth and don’t break promises, and find a way to make up for past mistakes.

9. Laziness. All good relationships require work. If you are unwilling to do it, your connection will diminish and you will begin to resent your partner. Talking about the kind of work your relationship needs is a good start.

10. Being mean. If you punish your partner when you don’t get your way, or if the two of you give each other the silent treatment, you are headed for a lifetime of emotional pain. Stop the nastiness and learn how to heal what bugs you.

It’s not very complicated. Avoid these relationship killers, and keep the love alive in your life.

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© Copyright 2015 Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., All rights Reserved.
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Honored by several professional associations, Dr. Barton Goldsmith is a multi-award winning psychotherapist, a syndicated columnist and radio host, as well as a recognized keynote speaker. He has appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, Fox & Friends, CBS News, NBC News, Beauty and The Geek, The Ricki Lake Show and The Mancow Muller Show. Dr. Goldsmith was named by Cosmopolitan Magazine and in the book The Complete Marriage Counselor (Adams, 2010) as one of America’s top therapists. He was also one of 12 authors who inspired, was sited and quoted in bestselling author Alisa Bowman’s new book Project: Happily Ever After, in addition his own books; Emotional Fitness for Couples – 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship which was published by New Harbinger on Valentine’s Day 2006, and the sequel, Emotional Fitness for Intimacy - Sweeten and Deepen Your Love in Just 10 Minutes a Day released by New Harbinger in April '09. Dr. Goldsmith also published Emotional Fitness at Work – 6 Strategic Steps to Success Using the Power of Emotion, the third in the Emotional Fitness book series, that was released in September ’09 by Career Press, who also published 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence – Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too in May of 2010. The Happy Couple, another New Harbinger publication was released on December 1st, 2013. His latest book, 100 Ways to Overcome Shyness will be released by Career Press in the summer of 2015. Since 2002, his weekly column, Emotional Fitness, which is syndicated by Tribune News Service, and has been featured in over 400 publications including The Chicago Sun-Times, The Washington Post, The San Francisco Chronicle, and Time Magazine, giving him a substantial readership. “Dr. G” also hosted a weekly radio show on NPR affiliate KCLU, with nearly 90,000 listeners from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara. He has been interviewed on numerous TV/Radio shows and for many publications; his expert advice is regularly featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine and he is also the top blogger for Psychology Today, his Emotional Fitness blog has had over 8 Million views. Dr. Barton also served as the national spokesperson for the Mars Candy My M&M's Treasured Moments Challenge, and is currently the national spokesperson for the SunTender Pre-Marital Mentoring Program. He received recognition from the City of Los Angeles for his work with survivors of the 1994 earthquake. Emotional Fitness was the winner of the Clark Vincent Award for Writing from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, Dr. G received the Peter Markin Merit Award from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists for his humanitarian efforts. He has also been named as the recipient of the Joseph A. Giannantoino II Award in recognition of his contributions as an Outstanding Educator in the field of Addiction Medicine, given by The California Association of Alcoholism and Drug Counselors, who also inducted him into The CAADAC Hall of Fame on October 1, 2011. Dr. Goldsmith was a National Merit Scholar and a Professor of Psychology at Ryokan College, Los Angeles. Dr. Goldsmith connects with audiences worldwide with his energetic, uplifting and fun communication style. Not a button-down shrink, “Dr. G” has a unique ability to inspire and entertain which leaves his readers, viewers and listeners always wanting more. “Dr. G” began working in the field of psychology when his career in professional basketball was cut short because he only grew to five foot six inches tall.